Animal Jokes

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Watson came excitedly to Sherlock Holmes place and told him his dog had swallowed his ring. Sherlock told Watson,
"Don't worry. He will pass it eventually".
Watson replies,
"Thank you very much, Sherlock".
Sherlock says to Watson:
"It's alimentary, my dear Watson"

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Yesterday I saw a car with a boot sticker saying, “I’m a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal.”
It was at that moment that I suddenly realised just how many gynaecologists there are on the roads.

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The early bird might get the worm…
But the second mouse gets the cheese.

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Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

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Two goldfish are in a tank.
One says,
"Do you know how to drive this thing?"

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What do you get when you mix a cheetah and a hamburger?
Fastfood!

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Why do Koalas get all the good jobs?
Because they have all the right koalafications

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Chopping up onions is bringing a tear to my eye...
He was a lovely little dog.

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Fuск fuск fuск a duck sсrеw a kangaroo 69 a porcuipine have an оrgy at the zoo

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Theres only one thing better than the cutest cat in the world.
A Dog.

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Oh, You're 10? Ok, well here's an animal that can breath fire.
- Prof Oak.

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You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunк аss off the merry-go-round!

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A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said,
"Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said,
"Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."

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Teacher:
"I asked you to draw a соw and grass, but I only see a соw. Where is grass?"
Student:
"The соw ate the grass, sir."

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An elephant and a camel are talking. The elephant asks, "Why do you have воовs on your back?" The camel replies,
"Ha! That's a funny question coming from an animal with a реnis hanging from his face."

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How do you get 500 old cows in a barn?
Put up a Bingo sign.

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A farmer buys a young rooster. As soon as he brings the bird to the farm, it rushes & fuскs all 150 hens. The farmer is impressed thinking about all the eggs the hens would hatch. At lunch, the rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer gets a bit worried now. The next day, he finds the rooster fuскing the ducks, geese, & a parrot too which is now scaring him. Later that day, he finds the rooster lying pale, half-dead with vultures circling over its head. The farmer says, "You hоrny ваsтаrd, you deserve this." The rooster opens one eye, points up, & whispers, "Shh! Don't shout, let them land!"

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A 92 year old man is walking through a park and sees a talking frog. He picks up the frog and the frogs says, “If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and be yours for a week.” The old man puts the frog in his pocket. The frog screams, “Hey if you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and make love to you for a whole month.” The old man looks at the frog and says, “At my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”

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