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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

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What are the 2 reasons the girl broke up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a cheetah and because he was lion too much to her
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There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back home
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As the dog sat watching the orchestra, he stared at the conductor and thought…
“Just throw the fuскing thing.”
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I read that, apparently, 13% of young men living in rural America lose their virginity to livestock. That is not right -- those poor cows. I'm thinking of starting the first annual 'Take Back the Field' rally. I've got some slogans for the cows, like, 'Moo Means No!' Or, 'Hey, stop treating us like women and start treating us like pieces of meat!'
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I’m a scientist that’s researching веsтiаliтy between humans and dogs.
……
……
I’ll be in my lab.
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I read somewhere that Alligators only have to eat once every three weeks... if only that Disney Alligator could have waited one more day.
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Thought I saw a kangaroo in my garden this morning so I ran down the stairs and went outside but it turns out it was just a dog taking a sh*t.
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Once there was a skunk family. There was a mother skunk a father skunk and 2 twin skunks one called In and one called out. In and Out didn't get along. Whenever In was in Out was out. Whenever Out was in In was out. One day Out was in and In was out but in never came back home. The father skunk went out to look for In and couldn't find him. The mother skunk went out to look for In and couldn't find him. Finally Out went out to find In and came back really quick. The father skunk and the mother skunk asked Out how he found In so quick. In said it was easy In Stink.
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Don't you love the zoo? I love the monkeys, those are my favorite. They're so cute. And my least favorite, those are the, uh -- with little heads, the -- the kids.
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Teacher asks her class, “What is the animal depicted on a weather vane?”
Little Johnny, the infamous troublemaker, says, “I know, teacher, I know.”
Against her better judgment she calls on him and he says, “Teacher, it is a соск.”
Teacher asks the class, “Why is a соск on a weather vane?”
“I know, I know, teacher,” says Johnny.
“OK, Johnny, Why?”
“Because, teacher, if it had a сunт on it, the wind would whistle right through it.”
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A brown and white Snowshoe cat was walking down the street with a doberman walking along side.
I remarked that this was an odd sight to see.
My son said,
"Not so much, if you had the money grumpy cat has, you'd have a bodyguard too."
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In Afghanistan researchers have found something called the “fanged vampire deer.” It is an animal that hasn’t been seen for 50 years. To be fair, if I lived in Afghanistan I would be keeping a low profile too.
The fanged vampire deer looks like what you’d get if Dracula hooked up with Bambi.
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Dude: Do you speak English?
Me: Yes
Dude: What is your name?
Me: Bob
Dude: Sеx?
Me: Maybe 3-5 times a week
Dude: No I mean boy or girl
Me: Well both
Dude: Holy cow
Me: Yes,соw,sheep,animals in general
Dude: Aren't those hostile?
Me: Horse style,Doggy style,any style!
Dude: Oh dear
Me: No,no! Deer run too fast...
English is hard
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The Girl And The Elephant
This girl woke up the morning after a wild party and found an Elephant in bed beside her.
She said, Oh my Gawd, “I must have been tight last night.”
The Elephant said, “You were the first time but the second time wasn’t so bad.”
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An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. He takes out an ad in the newspaper, but two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt.
“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.
"Here, boy,” he replies.
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Did you hear about the promiscuous reptile?
It got gator AIDS.
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A man owned a very intelligent dog so, after a long period of time, taught him how to play poker. The dog did very well and won a lot of pots until the owner had to pull him out of the games. “He realized that whenever the dog held a really good hand he wagged his tail.”
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You can never lose a homing рigеоn - if your homing рigеоn doesn't come back, what you've lost is a рigеоn.
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