A man started a new job at a zoo. He was given his first job by the zoo owner - to clean out the large tropical fish tank, which contained many exotic species.
While removing some gravel from the tank with his sраdе, he accidently hit one of the fish and killed it. Worried about losing his job for this mistake, he decided to hide the evidence. He took the fish and fed it to the lions because lions eat anything.
The zoo owner did not notice the missing fish and gave the man a new job - to muck out the chimps. He was in the middle of mucking out when two of the chimps became a bit over familiar and, in an attempt to get them away the man lashed out with his sраdе, killing two chimps. In his panic he decided to hide the evidence and fed the unfortunate chimpanzees to the lions because lions eat anything.
The zoo owner was pleased with the man’s work and as his final task for the day he asked him to collect honey from the zoo’s beehives. The man tried hard to do this without upsetting the bees, but some got angry and stung him. He grabbed his sраdе and whirled it above his head, squashing and killing several dozen bees. Plagued with guilt, he fed these to the lions as well because lions eat anything.
The next day, a new lion arrived at the zoo. He enquired of the existing residents “what’s the food like here?” One of the zoo’s resident lions said, “Oh, it’s great. Only yesterday we had fish, chimps and mushy bees.”
An Amish lady was driving her horse drawn buggy to town with her young son when she was stopped by a highway patrol officer.
“I’m not going to cite you,” said the officer, “I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous.”
“I thank thee,” said the Amish lady, “I shall have my husband repair it as soon as we return home.”
“Also,” said the officer, “I noticed that one of the reins to your horse is tied around your horse’s testicles. Some might consider this to be ‘cruelty to animals’ so you’d best have your husband check this, too.”
“Again I thank thee,” said the Amish lady, “I shall have my husband check this also when I return home.”
True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector and her husband said that he would repair it immediately. “Also,” said the Amish lady, “the policeman said that there was something wrong with our emergency brake.”
A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. She went to the owner of the store and asked how much. The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare looking and beautiful bird wasn’t more expensive, she agreed to buy it. The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a whоrеhоusе. Sometimes it says pretty vulgаr stuff. “The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird. She said she would buy it anyway. The pet shop owner sold her the bird and she took it home. She hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her,and said, “New house, new madam. “The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought that’s not so bad. A couple hours later, the woman’s two teenage daughters returned from school. When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and said, “New house, new madam, new whоrеs. “The girls and the woman were a bit offended at first, but than began to laugh about the situation. A couple of hours later, the woman’s husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “New house, new madam, new whоrеs, Hi George! “