Animal Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular
0
0
0

A reporter hears about an amazing pig and goes out to the farm in northwich to get the story. He finds the farmer near the barn and asks him if the rumors about his pig are true.
“Yep,” says the farmer. “I got a pig that started squealing real loud
When the house was on fire. He woke us all up and so we all got to
Safety. Otherwise we might have been killed. That’s some pig.”
“And didn’t the pig save your boy from drowning?” asked the reporter.
“Yep, he raced right into the pond and pulled my little boy out by his shirt collar. Saved his life,” the farmer says, wiping a tear from his eye.
“Wow, I’d like to see this pig,” the reporter says.
“Well, come on over here.”
The farmer leads the reporter over to a nearby pen. There in the mud the reporter sees a pig with a wooden leg.
“Why does he have a wooden leg?”
The farmer replies, “Well, you don’t eat a pig like that all at fuскing once.
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0

A frog goes into a bank and hops up to a teller. He can see from her name plate that she is called Patricia Whack, so he says "Ms. Whack, I'd like to borrow $30,000, please."
The teller asks for his name and the frog replies that he is Kermit Jagger, son of Мiск Jagger, and a personal friend of the bank manager. Unconvinced, Ms. Whack explains she will need some identity and also some security against his loan. The frog produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant and hands it to her.
The confused teller says she will have to consult with her manager. "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger at the counter who wants to borrow $30,000," she tells her boss. "And what do you think this elephant is about?"
The manager looks back at her and says,
"It's a knick-knack, Patti Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
0
0
0
0
0
A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet who asked her to bring the dog in. After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead.
"Are you sure?", the distraught woman asked. "He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?"
The vet paused for a moment and said,
"There is one more thing we can do."
He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog.
The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage.
"Well, that confirms it." the vet announced. "Your dog is dead."
Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, "How much do I owe you?"
"That will be $330." the vet replied.
"I don't believe it!", screamed the woman. "What did you do that cost $330????"
"Well", the vet replied, "it's $30 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
0