Animal Jokes

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When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.

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Girl - Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy - I tried it once but their аsshоlеs are too small.

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How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.

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Why did the ваrеваск performer ride his horse?
Because it got too heavy to carry.

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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

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Q: Why couldn't the pony sing?
A: Because he's a little hoarse.

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Why did the rabbit run out of the fast-food restaurant?
He thought he heard someone order a quarter pounder on a toasted bunny.

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How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed.

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Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws?
It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.

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What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk?
A niggеr and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.

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Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...

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Yo mamma so fат and scary, Godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies!

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Q: What did the Arctic wolf ask in the restaurant?
A:
"Are these lemmings fresh off the tundra?"

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Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
On their bunnymoon.

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A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone.
One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?"
The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain.
One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"

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What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him...
Get away from my nuts.

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Q.How do you catch a polar bear?
A.You cut a hole in the ice and you put peas all round the edge and when the polar bear comes along and stops for a pea,you kick it in the ice hole.

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What do you call a dumb bunny?
A hare brain.

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