Walks into a Bar, Bar jokes, Bartender jokes
An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. As he’s drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says “Hey, what’s that little green thing down there?”
The green man runs down the bar gives the Englishman a raspberry, “SPLBLBLBLT!,” right in the face and runs back to the Irishman.
The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, “Hey, what is that thing, anyway?”
The Irishman replies, “Have some respect. He’s a leprechaun.”
“Oh, all right.” the Englishman says sullenly. They all go back to drinking вееr.
An hour or so later, the Englishman is really plastered.
“Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little ваsтаrd!” he says. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT!
This time the Englishman is really mad!
“Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I’ll cut his diск off!” he shouts “You can’t do that” says the Irishman. “Leprechauns don’t have diскs.”
“How do they рее, then?” asks the bewildered Englishman.
“They don’t,” says the Irishman. “They go SPLBLBLBLBT.”
Three strings walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The first string walks up to the bartender and says,
"Bartender, three beers please." The bartender looks at the string and says,
"I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." Disappointed, the string walks back to his buddies and explains. The second string says "No problem, I'll go get our beers." The second string walks up to the bartender, "Bartender, three beers please." The bartender says,
"Listen man, I told your buddy that we don't serve strings here." Empty handed, the second string walks back to his buddies. The third string says,
"No problem. Tie me in a knot at one end and fray my ends at the other." He struts up to the bartender, "Bartender, three beers please." The bartender proceeds to get him the вееr when he suspiciously turns to look at the string and says,
"Excuse me, but are you a string?" The string replies,
"I'm a frayed knot!"
Two strings go into a bar and ask for a drink each. The Bartender says,
"I'm sorry, we don't let strings drink here." The two strings leave and go into another bar and ask for a drink each. The Bartender of this bar says,
"I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to let strings drink." One of the strings gives up. The other bashes himself into walls, winds himself up, and rubs against the carpet. When the string goes into the bar, he asks for a drink. The Bartender says,
"Sure! By the way, you haven't seen a couple of strings walking around, have you?" The string replies,
"Sorry! I'm afraid not!" (A frayed knot)