Walks into a Bar, Bar jokes, Bartender jokes
A very thirsty man goes into a bar. As he's sitting down, he hears the man next to him tell the bartender, "I'll have another waterloo."
The bartender gives the fellow a tall, well-iced drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Thinking the other man's drink may be a specialty of the house, he says,
"I'll have a waterloo, too."
The bartender gives him the tall, well-iced drink and the customer takes a big drink. "Hey," he says. "This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!"
The man next to him looks at the bartender and says,
"Well, it is water. Right, Lou?"
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a вееr. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "Norks Not Allowed - Enter At Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs and says,
"You smell kind of norky. What do you do for a living?" The truck driver says,
"I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I am hauling." The bartender says,
"Okay, truck drivers are not norks," and serves him a вееr. As he is sipping his вееr, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver said, totally shocked, "Why did you do that?" The bartender said,
"Not to worry, the norks are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license." The truck driver finishes his вееr, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the norkiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said,
"What's wrong? I thought norks were in season."
"Well, sure," said the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."
Drunks
Two drunks are driving down the highway, drinking their вееr. All of a sudden the driver notices lights flashing in his mirror; the cops are on his tail. His buddy says,
"What are we going to do?" The driver says,
"Don't worry. Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, peel the labels off our вееr bottles and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Then shove the bottles underneath the seat, and let me do the talking." They pull over and the cop walks up to the car. He looks at them kind of funny, but asks to see the guy's driver's license. And he asks him, "Have you been drinking?"
"Oh, no, sir," the driver replies. "I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you *sure* you haven't been drinking?" the cop asks. "Oh, no, sir," the drunк answers. "We haven't had a thing to drink tonight."
"Well, I've got to ask you," says the cop, "What on earth are those things on your forehead?"
"That's easy, Officer," says the drunк. "You see, we're both alcoholics, and we're on the patch."