Walks into a Bar, Bar jokes, Bartender jokes
At a small pub near to a GP's practice, Dr. Hall who ran the practice used to call into the pub after he'd shut the practice for the night and have an Almond sprinkled Jackory. One particular night, Bill the barman calls the landlord, "Mr. West, we're out of almond, and Dr. Hall's after his almond jackory, anything taste like almond what we could use instead?" Use hickory, the landlord said
Bill heads back to the bar, and speaks to Dr. Hill, We're out of almonds, but instead I could give you a "hickory jackory doc."
A very thirsty man goes into a bar. As he's sitting down, he hears the man next to him tell the bartender, "I'll have another waterloo."
The bartender gives the fellow a tall, well-iced drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Thinking the other man's drink may be a specialty of the house, he says,
"I'll have a waterloo, too."
The bartender gives him the tall, well-iced drink and the customer takes a big drink. "Hey," he says. "This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!"
The man next to him looks at the bartender and says,
"Well, it is water. Right, Lou?"
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a вееr. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "Norks Not Allowed - Enter At Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs and says,
"You smell kind of norky. What do you do for a living?" The truck driver says,
"I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I am hauling." The bartender says,
"Okay, truck drivers are not norks," and serves him a вееr. As he is sipping his вееr, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver said, totally shocked, "Why did you do that?" The bartender said,
"Not to worry, the norks are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license." The truck driver finishes his вееr, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the norkiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said,
"What's wrong? I thought norks were in season."
"Well, sure," said the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."