Birthday Jokes

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What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye matey!

*Courtesy of a 7 year old in my class.*

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Yo mama is too black like she was born in a burning hospital.

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Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's wомв.

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My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.

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What is your date of birth?
December 30th.
What year?
Every year

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Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day.
It was great fun, we blew up a bouncy castle and then had a really intense game of pass the parcel.

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My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Кill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

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What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday?
A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.

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I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally backed over him in the driveway and killed him...
Sure is gonna be tough raising this puppy without him.

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Time for a story:
There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left?
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge?
Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it?
Giraffe, he’s stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how?
The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

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Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: why? Friend: I’m color blind

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Ladies, if there’s a man who remembers your birthday, knows what you enjoy and understands your friends and family...
.. it’s Mark Zuckerberg.

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Why was the Muslim rubbing the goat?
Not because he was in to веsтiаliтy, you Islamophobe.
He was at the petting zoo for his wife's 9th birthday

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For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find that very hard to deal with.

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I’m funny but sad I submit jokes you’ll love. Look for my name in jokes you’ve read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn’t have the chance to open the gifts.

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My girlfriend is turning 32 soon…
….
I’ve told her not to get her hopes up.
“After all,” I say, “we’re only going to be celebrating it for half a minute.”
When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, “This is your thirty-second birthday.”

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My girlfriend isn’t talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday.
I’m not sure how I did that – I didn’t even know it was her birthday…

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I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday
I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.

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