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Birthday Jokes

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There is a fellow who is talking to his buddy and says,
"I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped." His buddy says,
"I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sеx, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" The first fellow does just that. The next day, his buddy asks, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"
"She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours!'"
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What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye, matey
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What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident
An amputation
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Why do ethiopian children cry on their 6th birthday?
They hit a midlife crisis
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TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday...
And my mom gives awful birthday gifts.
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A chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents named him "Sudden Lee"
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Happy Birthday. Soon you will get older and then you can laugh, sneeze, cough and рее at the same time.
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From a certain age, birthdays are like a reverse countdown.
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Thank you for your birthday wishes on Facebook.
Who are you by the way?
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You know you are getting old when you start getting birthday cards from your orthopedist.
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Your upcoming birthday reminds me of the words of the old Chinese scholar:
Yung No Mo
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- Thank you, grandpa. The violin you gave me for my last birthday already brought me a lot of money.
- Really? You play so well?
- Not at all. But mom and dad give me money to stop playing.
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If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a ваng.
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I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than diamond earrings."
So I got her nothing.
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How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
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My mom's favorite part of my birthday is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.
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You can have too much of a good thing: birthdays.
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Patient: "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
Doctor: "Next time, take off the candles."
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