Birthday Jokes

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Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we’ll die.
We’re all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.

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I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend

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My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet

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Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper

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My little cousin’s birthday was in a few days and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming “HOT WHEELS!”

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Immaculate conception is spreading rapidly, with adult born yesterday!

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For my wife's birthday, I bought her a fridge freezer. I know it's not much, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

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Your so ugly when you were born your mom said "Oh what a treasure" and your dad said "Yeah le´ts bury it."

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Birthday card inscription: Recent research revealed that 4 out of 5 people can expect money in their birthday cards. Happy Birthday, number 5!

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Honey, you really don’t have to do the dishes on your birthday. Do it tomorrow.

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I wanted to make you a ruм cake for your birthday. But now I am drunк and I’ve just eaten the cake.

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Came up with this one for my brother's birthday:
What do you call a rетаrdеd Jew during the holocaust?
A baked potato.

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Happy Birthday to anyone who was born today! Sorry your birthday had to be
Overshadowed.

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My wife told me she wanted to see a huge diamond for her birthday
So I took her to a baseball game

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Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...
Hiring Нiтlеr as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

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So my family and I go past a nursing home...
There are balloons on the sign. My wife says "maybe someone had a birthday", my daughter says "maybe it's for a fundraiser", and then my son says "maybe someone they didn't like died and they are celebrating"

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My son wanted to go whale watching for his birthday.
So we sat outside McDonald's.

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My wife said she wanted to be surprised for her birthday
So I took her sister to Hawaii for a week

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