Birthday Jokes

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Was talking with family the other day about how to pace yourself when you take shots on your 21st birthday.
The secret is to space them out.
...
I recommend at least 6 inches between shots.

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My friend had a German themed birthday party.
It was boring.

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I went to my friend Ahkmed’s birthday party
Let’s just say the pass the parcel got out of hand

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It's my wife's birthday so I've bought her the current must have present, took ages to find and even then had to fight to get it.
A 9 pack of toilet roll.

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It's my wife's birthday next week and I've managed to get her this year's must haves!
A 4-pack of toilet roll and a bag of Fusilli! She is going to be thrilled!

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What do you call the kids who are invited to Michael Jackson's birthday party?
Presents

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What's the WORST thing you could give to a professional athlete??
A Birthday Card!

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What did one nun say to the other on her birthday?
Let's celibate!

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A pair of twins were in a cake shop...
They were looking for a birthday cake but just couldn’t decide on a topping.
Twin 1:
“I want chocolate”
Twin 2:
“I want skittles”
Twin 1:
“How about we do Rock Paper Scissors?”
Twin 2:
“Why would I want that on my cake?”

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What did one terrorist say to another terrorist on his birthday?
I hope you have a blast today

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Where do you take an amish kid for their birthday party?
Build-A-Barn

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I hand my father his 50th birthday card...
He said "You know, one would've been enough..."

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I am an anti-vax kid and tomorrow's my 18th birthday.
This is the correct subreddit to post it yeah.

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My dad's eyes filled with tears when I handed him his 80th birthday card
He looked at me and said "you know, one would've been enough"

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On my birthday my girlfriend decided to wake me up with an оrаl.
Nearly suffocated.
Credit: Jimmy Carr

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So I went to an Antivax kids 3rd birthday.
I don’t know why everyone is wearing black and crying tho.

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My favorite gift to give is uncertainty
Or is it?
Happy birthday.

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What does a man who has everything get his wife for her birthday?
A birthday card.

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