After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....
Crap! This one's barefoot, too
One day there were three astronauts a blonde, brunnete, and a redhead eating together.
The brunette said,
"Hey you guys we were the first people in outer space we should be proud of that," and they said,
"Yeah, yeah we are.
Then they start to eat again when the redhead says "Hey you guys we were the first ones on the moon we should be proud of that too." They said,
"Yeah, yeah we are."
The blonde starts thinking and about one hour later she says,
"You guys, you know how we were the first one in outer space and the first ones on the moon?" They said,
"Yeah, so?"
"So," the blonde said,
"We should be the first ones on the sun too."
The redhead says,
"You crazy blonde, if we got within a 100 mile radius of the sun we would burn up and die."
The blonde replies,
"You are the crazy, we wouldn't go during the day. We would go at night."
Three blondes are training to be police officers. The man who is training them takes out a picture and asks the first blonde, "What do you notice about the man in this picture?" The blonde says,
"He only has one eye!". The man says "No, no, it's a side view." Then he says to the second blonde, "What do you notice about this man?" . The 2nd blonde says,
"He only has one ear!". The man says "Hello, it's a side view! Geez!". So the man goes over to the last blonde and says,
"What do you notice about this man?" . The final blonde says,
"He wears contacts!" The man goes to the FBI computer and looks the man in the picture up - sure enough - he wears contacts! The man says,
"How did you know that?" . The blonde says "Well, if he only has one eye and one ear, how can he wear glasses?" .
Yesterday I came back to my office from Court.
There was a new secretary (a very attractive blonde, of course?) in the office down the hall from me. She flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy drive won't work, can you help me ?" she asked. I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive. While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief, I asked her how the plastic got into the drive. "Oh, you mean the соndом!", she said. "Соndом???", I asked. "Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a соndом on my disk before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses." By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to keep from joining them. The "соndом" turned out to be a standard 3.5" plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke had been played, and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked (as serious as one could be): "Does that mean I don't have to sтrоке it ten times or вlоw on it either???"