Blonde Jokes

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Q: What do Barbie and Paris Hilton have in common?
A: They are both blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.

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What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for his thoughts?
Change.

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A blonde goes to work and sees that one of her co-workers has a thermos.
She asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold".
The blonde was amazed and when she got home immediately went out and bought one.
The next day she goes to work and is proud that she has this wonderful object.
The same co-worker realizes she has a thermos and says, "What do you have in it?"
She says, "Soup, and ice cream!"

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An irish blonde lady went to the doctor, complaining that the Pill kept falling off.

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One night there was three fugitives escaping from jail. One was blonde, one was brunette and the other was a red-head. They had the police hot on their trail and quickly thinking the brunette points out an old, abandoned factory perfect for hiding in. When all three were inside the red-head, quickly thinking said they should all hid in old potatoe sacks in the corner as they could hear the police approaching the factory. They all got in their little potatoe sacks and barely a minute later the police came crashing through the door. They looked at the sacks and said 'Hmm maybe they are hiding in these' The officer kicks the Red-head's sack and she makes whimpering noises. 'Hmm just puppies in that sack' The officer kicks the Brunette's sack and she makes mewing noises. 'Hmm just kittens in that sack' He says. He finally kicks the blonde's sack and he hears.... 'POTATOES POTATOES!'

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The top ten reasons niррlе rings for women are a BAD idea:
#10. Pesky delays at airport security scanners.
#9. Potential law suits from elderly people with pacemakers looking for an easy buck.
#8. Your minister asks to see the "ring" and in a blonde moment you show him.
#7. For some reason, a simple comb now seems like a real threat.
#6. Mud wrestling as an occupation is no longer an option.
#5. Cats and babies are attracted to shiny things.
#4. You may now have to deal with Velcro nightmares.
#3. The aging process begins to take on a whole new meaning.
#2. Skinny dipping may be a challenge because of artificial lures.
#1. Lightning is not just something that happens to other people anymore.

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This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of his car.
After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, "Do you want to move to the back seat?"
She replies,
"NO!" Flabbergasted, he says,
"Why Not?"
To which she replies,
"Well, I want to stay up here with you. It'd be lonely back there!"

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Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad. Liz, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay... But you look so sad. Why??" Sally, "Cause I just can't get a man." Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods." Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it." Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about." Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage." Liz, "So, how's that going help you get a man." Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hоотеrs."

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A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video.
She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR.
To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.
"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static," she says.
"Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" the clerk replies.
"Head Cleaner," Mary replies.

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Two sailors on shore leave, walking down the street. They spot a beautiful blonde.
First sailor asks his friend "Have you ever slept with a blonde?"
Second sailor replies that he has.
They walk on further and see an even more beautiful brunette.
First Sailor: Have you ever slept with a brunette?"
Second Sailor" Why yes, in fact I've slept with brunettes on many occasions"
They walk on a little further, and see a gorgeous redhead, who leaves the other two girls for dead.
First Sailor:
" Have you ever slept with a redhead then?"
His companion looks at him and replies "Not a wink!"

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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Janet!
Janet who!
Janet'or in a drum!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Japan!
Japan who!
Japan is too hot, ouch!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jaws!
Jaws who?
Jaws truly!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jean!
Jean who?
Jeanius - you just don't recognise it!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jenny!
Jenny who?
Jennymen prefer blondes!

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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a вrеаsт sтrоке race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out. The judge says,
"The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde". The blonde says,
"I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms."

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I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
Alicia Silverstone
"Once someone asked me three words that best describe me and I said 'Loud, Louder, and Loudest.'"
Anastacia
"I am beautiful, famous and gorgeous. I could have any man in the world."
Anna Kournikova
"He wanted to make me happy. My wish was his command."
Anna Nicole Smith
"Doesn't that hurt?" (on suicide bombers)
Anna Nicole Smith
"I'm not crazy, but it's a crazy life. I was raised in a crazy family and it took 31 years to get the crazy out of me."
Anne Heche
"What's so beautiful about вrеаsтs is their uniqueness. I don't understand the obsession with fakeness. It's a very odd thing, isn't it, to prefer fake and big to small and unique or just beautiful and real."
Anne Heche
"I trip and I burp and I fаrт, like everybody else."
Britney Spears
"I don't believe in sеx before marriage. I go out with boys, and we kiss, but that's it."
Britney Spears
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
Britney Spears

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Q. Why was there lipstick on the blonde's steering wheel?A. She tried to вlоw the horn.

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A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said,
"How do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a веll, but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

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Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a car accident? The spare tire in his trunk blew out.

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A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, "I won a motor home! I won a motor home!" The waitress runs over and argues, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!" The blonde replies,
"No. I won a motor home!" By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as one of our prizes." Again the blonde says,
"There is no mistake! I won a motor home!" The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL."

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Two blondes were building a house. One saw that the other was going into her pouch and throwing every other nail out. She thought that this was weird and decided to look into it."Why do you keep throwing every other nail away?"
"Well, when I pull one out of my pouch, and it is facing towards the house, I nail it in. If it is facing away from the house, it is defective and I throw it away."
"You idiот, those nails aren't defective, they are for the other side of the house."

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