A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE. Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE. This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE. The very scared blonde raised her head and said, Is that you, Lord? The voice answered, NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.
A truck was traveling through town.
When the driver stopped at a red light, A blonde jumped out of her car, ran up to the driver of the truck, and said,
"Mr. you're losing part of your load".
She jumps back into her car and follows the truck to the next light.
She jumps out of car and runs up to the driver's window, "Mr. you're losing part of your load."
The same thing happens for 7 stops, finally the 8th stop, the blonde came running up to the truck driver's window, before she could say anything, the driver said,
"Ma'am, this is winter in maine, i'm driving a salt truck......."
A brunette is walking through the country when she finds a bottle. She rubs it, and a genie appears. The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."
The woman says, "OK. Give me a nice house."
The genie replies, "You now have one nice house, and all the blondes in the world have two."
The woman says, "Give me a gorgeous man."
The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man while all the blondes have two."
The brunette says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."
A pilot got on the loudspeaker shortly after takeoff and said to the passengers,
"Folks, welcome aboard flight seven eighty-nine to Cleveland. We'll be flying at thirty-five-thousand feet, and expect to land in an hour and a half. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight."
Forgetting to turn off the microphone, he turned to his co-pilot, yawned, and said,
"Why don't you take over for a while? I'm going to take me a big healthy shiт, and then I'm gonna shаg the brains outta that new blonde flight attendant. "
His announcement went over the whole plane. The pretty blonde flight attendant heard this and exclaimed, "Oh my God!" and started running towards the cockpit. An old lady sitting in an aisle seat stopped her and said,
"Relax honey, he's gotta take a shiт first."