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Since it started to rain, my wife can't stop looking through the window.
If it will start pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside.
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I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
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A Fishermen Zwei Schotten beim Golf Англичанин и швед играят голф. Англичанин и швед играят голф. Zwei Männer spielen Golf. Als ein Trauerzug am Golfplatz vorbeizieht stellt der eine sein Spiel ein, nimmt den Hut ab und hält inne. Sagt sein Mitspieler: Двое мужчин в возрасте играют в гольф. Один из них готовится к удару, когда замечает похоронную процессию на дороге, снимает шапку, закрывает глаза и склоняет голову в молитве. Его друг замечает: Due amici stanno trascorrendo una splendida giornata di sole giocando a golf nel loro club. Uno di loro sta per far buca con un tiro veramente facile, quando vede passare nella strada di fianco al campo la processione di un funerale. Allora si ferma all Se encontraban dos hombres jugando al golf, en uno de los campos más bonitos de la ciudad. En eso, ven pasar a un funeral al camposanto del lado. Uno de los hombres se detiene, se hinca, se persigna y reza mientras pasa el funeral. El otro hombre, asombrado dice: Hombre, te felicito, eso muestra... Zwei Golfspieler sind am 12. Grün, als ein Leichenzug vorbeikommt. Der eine hält im Spiel inne und verneigt sich kurz zu dem Leichenwagen hin. "Das war aber eine sehr noble Geste von Ihnen. ", sagt... Deux vieux anglais jouent au golf. Sur la route voisine arrive un cortège d Två män spelar golf. När ett liktåg passerar banan, stannar den ene och tar av sig hatten. - Det var imponerande, säger den andre. Jag vet hur galen du är i golf, och ändå stannar du upp för att... Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and funeral procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His... To mannfolk står og spiller golf, og den ene skal til å slå ballen i hullet, da han ser et begravelsesopptog. Han tar da av seg sin hatt og bøyer hodet. Hans kammerat sier overrasket: - Jeg viste... Están dos hombres jugando golf y en eso pasa un cortejo fúnebre por la calle adyacente al campo y uno de los hombres se quita el sombrero y se lo pone en el pecho respetuosamente. - ¡Jamás había... Dwóch Anglików w średnim wieku gra w golfa. w pewnej chwili obok pola golfowego przechodzi kondukt żałobny. Jeden z grających odkłada kij i zdejmuje czapkę. - Cóż to - dziwi się drugi - przerywa... Twee mannen zijn aan het golfen als er vlak naast de green een begrafenisstoet voorbij komt. Een van de twee mannen neemt zijn pet af en houdt deze op zijn hart. Als de stoet voorbij is zegt zijn... Unos hombres se encuentran jugando a golf y, justo al lado del campo, se encontraba un cementerio en el cual se estaba llevando a cabo un funeral. Uno de los hombres interrumpe su juego, se acerca... Dwaj starsi panowie grają w golfa. Widzą, a tu idzie marsz pogrzebowy. Jeden z nich ściąga czapkę a drugi na to: - No co Ty. Graj. - No wiesz, jednak byliśmy przez te 45 lat małżeństwem. Een begrafenisstoet komt voorbij een voetbalstadion waar de supporters nog buiten staan. Ineens komt er vanuit de groep supporters een man naar de kist, blijft er eventjes stilstaan en pakt zijn... En man och en kompis spelar golf en dag på den lokala golfbanan. En av killarna är på väg att chippa in på green när han ser ett långt begravningståg på vägen bredvid banan. Han stannar upp i... To mænd står og spiller golf, og den ene skal lige To mænd står og spiller golf, og den ene skal lige til at "Putte" bolden i hullet, da han ser et begravelses optog. Han tager sin hat af og bøjer... Twee mannen zitten in een boot onder een brug te vissen. Eén van de twee kijkt omhoog als er juist een rouwstoet voorbij komt. Hij staat meteen op, doet zijn pet af en buigt zijn hoofd. De... Un giocatore di golf si accorge che un corteo funebre sta passando lungo la strada che affianca il loro campo di gioco. Per rispetto suggerisce ai compagni: "Ragazzi, perché non ci prendiamo un... En mann og en venn spiller golf sammen en dag på den lokale golfbanen. En av mennene skal akkurat til å chippe ballen mot greenen når han ser en lang begravelsesprosesjon ved veien ved siden av... Deux Anglais sont sur un green en train de taper la balle de Golf. Soudain, un convoi funèbre passe. L A man and his friend were enjoying Deer Hunting Season in rural Arkansas near a blacktop highway. A huge buck walked by and the hunter carefully drew his bow and took careful aim. Before he could... Two men were playing golf one morning. One of them was on the green preparing to putt when a funeral procession started passing on the road next to the golf course. The man preparing to putt paused... Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his... Doi prieteni erau într-o zi pe terenul de golf. Unul dintre ei tocmai se pregătea să lovească, moment în care zăreşte o lungă procesiune funerară trecând prin apropiere. Tipul se opreşte cu crosa... Irgendwann kommt ein Leichenzug des Weges. Der eine nimmt seine Mütze ab und senkt seinen Kopf in Richtung des Sarges. "Man, bist Du heute aber pietätvoll!", sagt der andere. "Na, schließlich war...
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says:
"Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
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Heres what you do:
1. Dinner
2. Kiss
3. Movie
4. Sex
5. Bring her back home
6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
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Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog.
When he saw it giggled and said:
"What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
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A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."
The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."
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What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd...
What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?

Their last big hit was The Wall.
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A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
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A ship goes out to sea and crashes. 6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.
Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived.
So they come to this agreement.
All of the men will marry the one woman for a week.
So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on.
Everyone will now be getting sеx and they all agree to it.
This goes on for five years and everyone is happy.
Each man gets sеx every fifth week and the woman gets to have sеx whenever she wants with a different man every week.
Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies.
The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful.
It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
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Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes?
A: The execution.
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Old man: "Can you give me an еrестiоn?"
Faith Healer: "I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the 'dead'."
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Не можам Playing Doctor Ανάλυση ούρων Αναλύσεις Εξέταση ούρων Две момченца седят пред лекарски кабинет. Две деца стоели в чакалнята в поликлиниката. Едно от тях плачело много силно. Ein Mann wird bei der Polizeikontrolle angehalten. Polizist: Cop pulls over a man: Катаджия спрял пиян шофор и му казал: Киро и Иванчо,на 7 са в поликлиниката за изследвания. Иванчо плаче та се къса. Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly. A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. A mile down the road, he Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face.The other guy asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test." The second one asked, "So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?" The first guy replied, "No. Not... Сидить маленька дівчинка в лікарні й плаче. Підходить до неї хлопчик: — Чому ти плачеш? — Я прийшла робити аналіз крові й мені палець відріжуть. Хлопчик заплакав ще сильніше за дівчинку. — А ти чому плачеш? — запитала дівчинка. — А я прийшов аналіз сечі здавати… A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy Un conducteur se fait arrêter par la police : - soufflez dans le ballon s Toto est dans la salle d Bir gün temel hastaneye gitmiş doktorun odasına giderken ağlayan bir Adam görmüş. Adama sormuş: - "Niye agliyursin da" Adam cevap vermiş: - "Kan tahlili için geldim parmağımı kestiler onun acısına... Een man komt uit een caf?stapt zijn auto in en rijdt richting huis. Na 200 meterwordt de man aangehouden door een politieagent. Agent: Toto va chez le médecin et voit une fille qui pleure: - Pourquoi tu pleures. - Parce que je vais faire une analyse de sang. - Tu pleure pour sa? - Mon frêre m Toto va chez le docteur et vois une fille qui pleure. Toto : "Pourquoi tu pleures ?" La fille : "Parce que je viens faire une analyse de sang." Toto : "C Δυο παιδάκια, ο Γιαννάκης κι ο Κωστάκης, κάθονται έξω από τα εξωτερικά ιατρεία του νοσοκομείου. Ο Γιαννάκης κλαίει γοερά. Κωστάκης: Γιατί κλαις; Γιαννάκης: Ήρθα για εξετάσεις αίματος. Κωστάκης:... A rendőr megállít egy autóst: - Jó napot!Személyi igazolványt és forgalmit kérek! - Odaadja neki az autós, a rendőr nézi egy darabig majd így szól: - Kérem, fújjon a szondába! - Nem lehet. - Ugyan,...
Two children, Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic.
Alex was crying very loudly.
Johnny: Why are you crying?
Alex: I came here for a blood test.
Johnny: So? Are you afraid?
Alex: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
After hearing this Johnny started weeping making Alex feel surprised as well as curious and Alex asked: Why are you crying now?
Johnny: I came for a urinе test!
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A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end.
"Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news."
The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life."
"Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?"
The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
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There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff."
The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."
The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."
The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped.
At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?"
The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
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A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said.
"It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
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A guy dies whilst making love to his wife.
A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?"
The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his аrsе!"
The undertaker does as he is told.
On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fuскing hurts doesn't it!"
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I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
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Why is Нiтlеr never invited to BBQ's?
He always burns the franks.
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