Ethnic, Racial or Cultural Jokes, Racist jokes

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The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked:
“Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”
Maria:
“Well, Senora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.”
“The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife:
“Who said you iron better than me?”
Maria:
“Jor huzban he say so.”
Wife:
“Oh yeah?”
Maria:
“The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife:
“Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Maria:
“Jor hozban did.”
Wife increasingly agitated, “Oh he did did he???”
Maria:
“The third reason is that I am better at sеx than you in the bed.”
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.
“And did my husband say that as well?”
Maria:
“No Senora……., The gardener did.”
Wife:
“So how much do you want?”
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Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
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Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
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Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the
Ducks.
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Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.
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Q. What’s the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe?
A. You can tune the lawn mower.
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Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions:
An in-tune bagpipe player, an out-of-tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
A. The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have been
Hallucinating.
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Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
A. Add vibrato.
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Q. What’s the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn’t.
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Q. What’s the difference between a dead snake in the road and dead
Bagpiper in the road?
A. Skid marks in front of the snake.
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Q. What’s the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead
Country singer in the road?
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
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Q. What’s the range of a bagpipe?
A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
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Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning?
A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.
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Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it.
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Q. What do you call ten bagpipes at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
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Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. To get away from the sound.
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Q. What’s the definition of “optimism”
A. A bagpiper with a beeper.
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Did you hear the one about the bagpiper who parked his car with the
Windows open, forgetting that he had left his bagpipes in the back
Seat?
He rushed back as soon as he realised it, but it was too late - someone
Had already put another set of bagpipes in the car!
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(Must be read with an italian accent, preferably out loud)
One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel.
Ina Morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast.
She brings me only one рiss. I tella her I want two рiss.
She say go to the toilet.
I say you no understand. I wanna two рiss onna my plate.
She say you better not рiss onna plate, you sonna ma вiтсh.
I don’t even know the lady and she call me sonna ma вiтсh.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant.
The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock.
She tell me everyone wanna fock.
I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table.
She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma вiтсh.
I don’t even know the lady and she call me sonna ma вiтсh!
So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no sh1ts onna my bed.
I call the manager and tella him I wanna sh1t.
He tell me to go to toilet.
I say you no understand. I wanna sh1t on my bed.
He say you better not sh1t onna bed, you sonna ma вiтсh.
I don’t even know the man and he call me sonna ma вiтсh. I go to the
Checkout and the man at the desk say:
“Peace on you”.
I say рiss on you too, you sonna ma вiтсh, I gonna back to Italy!
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