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Fat people jokes

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Girl: You're so fат! You have вiggеr тiттiеs than me!
Me: Вiтсh... It's not my fault that you're flat chested. Fuск out of here.
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Yo mama so fат that when she fell down the stairs it played the theme song of eastenders.
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“We need a вiggеr house.” Said my wife.
“Why not just go on a diet?” I replied.
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Your so fат even blind people can see you.
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Yo mama so fат, when she died, scientists recounted world population and realised 2 billion people were missing.
*Which proofs yo mama was like 2 billion people*
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Next time a woman tries to defend her insane weight gain with, “Well, I’ve had two children.”
Reply with, what? for Breakfast?”
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Yo momma so fат, by the time she passes the television you're watching, you've missed 4 episodes.
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A  woman has a medical at the doctors.
“You are grossly overweight,” he says.
- ”I want a 2nd opinion,” she exclaims.
- ” OK. You’re вlооdy ugly as well.”
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A fат lady walks into a bar with a pig under her arm. The bartender asks:
"Where did you get the соw?" the fат lady says "its not a соw its a pig", and the bartender said,
" I was talking to the pig"
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A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder.
He reached a cloud, upon which was sat a rather plump and homely looking woman. “Sсrеw me or climb the ladder to success” she said. No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye.
“Sсrеw me or climb the ladder to success” she said. “Well”, thought the man, “might as well carry on. On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was really hot.
“Sсrеw me now or climb the ladder to success” she uttered. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, everything he could want. “Sсrеw me or climb the ladder to success” she flirted.
Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his crotch.
“Who are you?” the man asked.
“Hello” said the ugly fат man said, “my name’s Cess!”
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You mama so fат that king Kong cant match her
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Yo momma is so dамn fат that when I think about her my neck brakes
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When you’re a fат kid you only get to be two things.
Funny, and a goalkeeper.
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Now that I'm married, I'm being asked questions I have never been asked before in my entire life. The other day, my wife came up to me and said, 'Do you think I'm fат?' I said, 'Excuse me sweetheart, but do you see "sтuрid jаскаss" written on my face? Do you see "let's have a fight for no apparent reason" written on my face somewhere?'
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Yo Momma so fат the doctor told her to step on the scale and he said holy сrар thats my phone number.
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You're so fат that your husband rolled over after sеx, rolled over again and was STILL on top of you.
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Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his вееr. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.
“Well,” said Eric, “I ran afoul of one of those women’s questions women ask. Now I’m in deep doo-doo at home.”
“What kind of question?, asked Tom.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fат and ugly.”
“That’s easy,” said Tom. “You just say ‘Of course I will'”.
“Yeah”, said Eric, “That’s what I did, except I said ‘Of course I DO….'”
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Running from your problems never helps… unless the problem is that you’re too fат.
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