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Why is Jamie suск a fат аsshоlе? HE WAS ADOPTED

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1. Yo mama is so fат that her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
2. Yo Mama is so sтuрid that she got ran over by a parked car.
3. Yo Mama is so sтuрid she tried to drown a fish.
4. Yo mama is so fат that the only exercise she gets is when she chases the ice cream truck. 5. Yo mama is so fат that when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

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Jеrк: You're fат.
Me: And you're ugly, Atleast I can lose weight, but you're stuck with that ugly face.

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On a recent trip to China, I bought some incredibly rare dragon scales and brought them home for my wife.
“Ooh, they’re beautiful!” she cooed in wonder. “What are they?”
“They’re dragon scales,” I replied. “They’re very rare.”
“What are they for?” she asked, staring at them with interest.
“Weighing dragons,” I answered.

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I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women.
There were tons of girls there, just not very many.

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My wife changed into her bikini at the beach, and stood posing in front of me. “Well?” she said, “I’ve lost a stone, can you see a difference?”
I picked up a pebble and tossed it in the ocean. “The beach has lost a stone.” I said, “can you see a difference?”

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My wife asked me, in an upbeat tone, “Truth or dare?”
I chuckled and played along, “Truth.”
She went on, “So tell me, do I look fат in this dress?”
I backed up, “Woah, woah, woah! This is not fair: I said truth, not dare!”

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"Does my uniform make me look fат?" -Insecurity guard

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I, my woman and my best friend were in the pub tonight and he said, “It looks like your main squeeze is developing a spare tire.”
I said, “Yeah, My guess is that it’s a P175/65R15.”

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Humpty Dumpty f*cked a fат whоrе, Humpty Dumpty blew on the floor, all the kings horses and all the kings men, laid the b*tch down and f*cked her again.

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I was walking in the park with my rather large wife when she stopped to study a bumble bee.
“Did you know the laws of physics can not explain how it moves.” She said.
I thought it best not to reply.

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Yo momma so fат, every time she farts global warming becomes worse.

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I tell my wife what she lacks in confidence she more than makes up in chins.

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At marriage guidance, my wife and I were asked to describe each other in 3 words. My wife said
“Uncaring, but honest.”
I countered with, “Fат and ugly.”
So we were both right.

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Yo ommas so fат i missed a whole series

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Person 1: Yo mama is really fат.
Person 2: Hey my mama has feelings you know.
Person 1: Yeah she’s mostly feeling hungry.

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Chasing the American Dream does not count as exercise.

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Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fат? Cut off your head.

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