Fat people jokes

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Yo mama is so fат when she uses a lift, the lift can only go downwards.

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“Hi gorgeous, what’s your name?” Purred the big girl at the bar.
“It’s Dave” I replied, “but everyone calls me cake.”
“Oooh, is that because your sweet, dark and very tasty” she winked.
“No” I sighed, “it’s because fат сunтs like you can’t keep their hands off me.”

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I always reply to my wife’s texts with :0)))
I’m not being friendly, I’m discretely letting the fат вiтсh know how many chins she has.

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Why is Jamie suск a fат аsshоlе? HE WAS ADOPTED

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1. Yo mama is so fат that her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
2. Yo Mama is so sтuрid that she got ran over by a parked car.
3. Yo Mama is so sтuрid she tried to drown a fish.
4. Yo mama is so fат that the only exercise she gets is when she chases the ice cream truck. 5. Yo mama is so fат that when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

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Jеrк: You're fат.
Me: And you're ugly, Atleast I can lose weight, but you're stuck with that ugly face.

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I’m giving up on Weight Watchers.
In the last two decades I’ve lost a total of 678 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
Alas, I gain it all back and then some. This morning my shadow weighed 6 pounds.

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On a recent trip to China, I bought some incredibly rare dragon scales and brought them home for my wife.
“Ooh, they’re beautiful!” she cooed in wonder. “What are they?”
“They’re dragon scales,” I replied. “They’re very rare.”
“What are they for?” she asked, staring at them with interest.
“Weighing dragons,” I answered.

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I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women.
There were tons of girls there, just not very many.

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My wife changed into her bikini at the beach, and stood posing in front of me. “Well?” she said, “I’ve lost a stone, can you see a difference?”
I picked up a pebble and tossed it in the ocean. “The beach has lost a stone.” I said, “can you see a difference?”

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My wife asked me, in an upbeat tone, “Truth or dare?”
I chuckled and played along, “Truth.”
She went on, “So tell me, do I look fат in this dress?”
I backed up, “Woah, woah, woah! This is not fair: I said truth, not dare!”

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"Does my uniform make me look fат?" -Insecurity guard

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Humpty Dumpty f*cked a fат whоrе, Humpty Dumpty blew on the floor, all the kings horses and all the kings men, laid the b*tch down and f*cked her again.

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I was walking in the park with my rather large wife when she stopped to study a bumble bee.
“Did you know the laws of physics can not explain how it moves.” She said.
I thought it best not to reply.

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Yo momma so fат, every time she farts global warming becomes worse.

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I now know I’m too fат. Just yesterday I dropped my wallet and thought to myself ‘do I really need that?’

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I tell my wife what she lacks in confidence she more than makes up in chins.

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At marriage guidance, my wife and I were asked to describe each other in 3 words. My wife said
“Uncaring, but honest.”
I countered with, “Fат and ugly.”
So we were both right.

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