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Food Jokes

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A blonde walks in the ice cream parlor and orders a chocolate ice cream cone.
The clerk tells her that he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a pint of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, just vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a quart of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk then asks her how she spells van as in vanilla.
She says, V-A-N.
He then asks her how she spells straw as in strawberry.
She says, S-T-R-A-W
He then asks her how she spells fuск as in chocolate.
After a while she says there is no fuск in chocolate.
THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU
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Yo mama so poor when i went to her house and picked up a paper plate she yelled "Not my good china!"
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How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
When the cake jumps out of the girl!
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Yo mama is so poor, I went to her place for dinner the other day, and when I asked what we were having, she put her foot up on the table and said "corn !".
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Yo mama so fат, when she went to a subway she mistook the train for a sandwich and ate it.
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How many potatoes does it take to кill an Irishman?
Zero.
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First Cannibal:
"Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
Second Cannibal:
"That was no girl, that was my supper."
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I still don't understand why smoking wееd makes you a criminal...
When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.
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How do you make a rabbit fast?
Don't feed it.
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What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
He had his first taste of Christianity!
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Rabbit:
"I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I m all out of carrots. What should I do?"
Friend:
"Don't worry; be hoppy!"
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Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple.
Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
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One night a man and woman went to his house to have sеx when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
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Be careful never to let a blonde have a coffee break...
It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!
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Chuck Norris's favourite drink is diamond juice, which he squeezes out of raw diamonds with his bare hands.
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"I’m in a big trouble!"
"Why is that?"
"I saw a mouse in my house!"
"Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap."
"I don’t have one."
"Well then, buy one."
"Can’t afford one."
"I can give you mine if you want."
"That sounds good."
"All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap."
"I don’t have any cheese."
"Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap."
"I don’t have oil."
"Well, then put only a small piece of bread."
"I don’t have bread."
"Then what is the mouse doing at your house?"
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Chuck Norris once soaked his beard in carbonated water.
The result is now sold as Red Bull.
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Yo' Mama is so fат, when she rubs her legs together, I smell bacon.
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