Food Jokes

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Why is manna from heaven like horse hay?
Both are food from aloft!

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There is no use crying over split milk, unless it's Chuck Norris' milk.

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A patient comes to a doctor, who asks him:
- Do you smoke?
- No.
- Do you drink?
- No.
- Do you eat fast food?
- No.
- Don't worry, I'll find something anyways...

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This black woman was vastly overweight, and I mean MASSIVE and she went to see the doctor about her weight.
She said to him, "Have you got any dieting remedies or anything that can help me loose weight?"
The doctor replies,
"Yes we do, all you need to do is shake your head from left too right, simple eh?!"
She says,
"WOW that's amazing, um... when do I do it?"
The doctor says,
"Next time your ordered food."

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How is cat food sold?
Usually purr can!

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I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

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Q: Why did the fат turkey cross the road?
A: To get hit by my car.

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Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner?
He was already stuffed!

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What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water?
I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.

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Why do lions always eat raw meat?
"Because they don't know how to cook."

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One cutting edge aquarium saved a lot of money when its owner discovered a means to make the dolphins live forever -- since the dolphins never died, no money needed to be spent on buying new ones.
Extending the dolphins' lives required putting a special mixture into their food; one of the ingredients was baby sea gull meat.
So one day, one of the workers was sent to the beach to find some.
On the way back, baby sea gulls in hand, he had to pass through a forest.
In the middle of the path was a sleeping lion.
He very carefully stepped over it, only to be handcuffed by a policeman.
"Officer," he said,
"What's going on?"
"You're under arrest," said the policeman.
"But why?" he asked.
The policeman replied, "For transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises."

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Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.

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Lays сhiрs claims "No one can eat just one".
Wrong.
Chuck Norris ate ONE, laughed then ate a whole bag of Doritos.

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Q:Why don't giraffes like fast food?
A:Because they can't catch it!

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Chuck Norris once made an omelette from a Fabergé egg.

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Yo mama so fат she puts insurance on her food.

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Q. What do you call a fake noodle?
A. An Impasta!

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Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?

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