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Food Jokes

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Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
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What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don’t get them!
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There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl’s house. When he got there, he said to her father “thank you for this moment, have a great night”. At the dance, the girl asks the boy, “can I have some food?” He gladly replies “yes” and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, “thank you so much, I really needed something to eat”. Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, “thank you SOOOO much” Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, “what is it?” She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
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Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's?
Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food...
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What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life?
A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.
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My brother didn't like jail
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces.
After that, we never played Monopoly again.
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I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you...
I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...
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My mother used to always say "give your food a rinse before you eat it."
Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches.
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Your mom so fат..
Her favorite jewellery is the food chain
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On a first date last night my date asked, ‘So, what do you do?’
Frowning, I held up the menu and said ‘you just choose something from this book of food’
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So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
“Wait a minute” I said.
This distinctly tastes like horse semen
Then it clicked.
“Ah, so that’s how you died”
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How did the Hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her sons diск tasted funny.
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Yo mama so fат the bears have to hide their food from her when she goes camping.
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A football fаn's wife says,
"I hate it when my husband calls leftovers 'Replays'."
A TV Executive's wife says,
"Well my husband calls them 'Reruns'."
Mortician's wife says,
"Count yourselves lucky, my husband calls them remains!"
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My friend; yo stupid
Me; is that right and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you einstien
My friend; rolls eyes and says whatever
Me; keep on rolling them you might find your brain in there
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Me and my friend were roasting each other
She : you look like a reese’s cup
Me:your so old your рuвiс hairs are 50 shades of gray
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George Michael was dancing in the supermarket when he accidentally knocked over an entire stack of cat food, spilling it everywhere
Careless Whiskas
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How do you prepare the chicken? We just tell them straight out they are going to die.
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