Food Jokes

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The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer.
Luckily I already fled the country.

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Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.

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What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don’t get them!

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What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

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Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's?
Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food...

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What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life?
A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.

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My brother didn't like jail
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces.
After that, we never played Monopoly again.

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I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you...
I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...

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My mother used to always say "give your food a rinse before you eat it."
Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches.

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Your mom so fат..
Her favorite jewellery is the food chain

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On a first date last night my date asked, ‘So, what do you do?’
Frowning, I held up the menu and said ‘you just choose something from this book of food’

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So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
“Wait a minute” I said.
This distinctly tastes like horse semen
Then it clicked.
“Ah, so that’s how you died”

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What do you call a baby in an oven?
My next meal

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Yo mama so fат the bears have to hide their food from her when she goes camping.

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A football fаn's wife says,
"I hate it when my husband calls leftovers 'Replays'."
A TV Executive's wife says,
"Well my husband calls them 'Reruns'."
Mortician's wife says,
"Count yourselves lucky, my husband calls them remains!"

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My friend; yo stupid
Me; is that right and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you einstien
My friend; rolls eyes and says whatever
Me; keep on rolling them you might find your brain in there

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Me and my friend were roasting each other
She : you look like a reese’s cup
Me:your so old your рuвiс hairs are 50 shades of gray

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George Michael was dancing in the supermarket when he accidentally knocked over an entire stack of cat food, spilling it everywhere
Careless Whiskas

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