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Two old timers were talking after church one day and the one asks the other, "So tell me brother, what did you think of the soul food this morning?" The other replies,
"The food was excellent but the service suскеd!"
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My family told me to stop eating the leftover Thanksgiving food from the fridge.
But sadly, I couldn't quit cold turkey.
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I’d like to leave you ladies and gentlemen with this frightening fact: I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year. I’m not sure about you people, but I think we’re being overcharged on groceries.
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The following conversation took place in the palace of the supreme leader of North Korea.
Kim Jong Un: Nuke the Chinese.
Adviser: No problem your excellency, missiles will be launched in 3 minutes.
Kim Jong Un: I was talking about microwaving some food you idiот.
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I went to a middle school dance back in the day.
It was kinda lame, looking back on it. The music was bad, they ran out of food, and there wasn’t even a punch line.
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Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Dilbert, Dogbert, Garfield, Jon Arbuckle, and a whole lot of comic sтriр characters and their pets were on an airplane flying from Miami to Los Angeles.
In the middle of the flight, the flight attendant gave out food to everyone but Charlie Brown and Snoopy. They asked him why everyone else got some food and they didn't.
The flight attendant said,
"Sorry, but we don't serve PEANUTS on this flight."
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Mr. Norris often donates food to the needy..
Unfortunately he can only deliver 'cans of whoop аss.'
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A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a вееr please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"
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After a terrible shipwreck, a man found himself alone on an island. He went about the island in search of food and shelter. After a long walk, the man froze in terror as he saw a tribe of cannibals in the middle of a celebration. The man thought to himself, "I am so sсrеwеd!" To his surprise, a bright light came from the heavens and a deep voice said to him "Not yet my son, listen very carefully: what you have to do is run up to the chief of the tribe, kick him in the nuts, and take his spear. As soon as you take his spear, кill his only son with it." Without thinking twice, the man does as he was told. As he put the spear through the young cannibal's heart the bright light appeared again and the deep voice said to him "Now you are sсrеwеd."
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It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Father Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mother Bear sticks her head out the kitchen door and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mother Bear who go up first. It was Mother Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mother Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mother Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mother Bear who set the table. It was Mother Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water and food dish. And now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence, listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time: I haven't made the f*cking porridge yet!"
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Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!
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If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
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Q. Why did the apple run away?
A. Because the banana split!
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Yo momma so fат her favorite food is seconds.
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You've got your head so far up your аss you can chew your food twice.
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A fат man goes into a fast food restaurant and orders his food. The cashier says that it will be a minute or two for his food. Finally his food is ready. The cashier hands the food to the fат guy and tells him, "Sorry about your weight."
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A lot of people cry when they cut an onion. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
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Why didn’t the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
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