Food Jokes

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A mother mouse and her three children crept out of their hole into the kitchen and began feasting on some delicious bits of food. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Mother Mouse saw a cat slinking toward them. The cat was between the mice and their hole. The mother muse puffed up her lungs and went, “Woof! Woof!” The cat turned tail and ran. With that, the mother quickly led her children back to safety in their hole. When they were settle and breathing normally, Mother Mouse said to her children. “Now, what’s the lesson from that experience?”
“We don’t know,” the baby mice squeaked. “It is this,” said Mother Mouse. “It’s always good to know a second language.”

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Little Mikey and his family were having Sunday dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Mikey received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Mikey! Please wait until we say our prayer," said his mother.
"I don't need to," the boy replied.
"Of course, you do," his mother insisted through gritted teeth. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house," Mikey explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

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An old man is sitting at his table in the hotel dining room with a bowl of soup in front of him. He calls the waiter over and asks him to taste the soup.
"Is the soup too cold?" asks the waiter.
"Taste the soup," says the old man.
"Is it too salty?" asks the waiter.
"Taste the soup!" says the old man.
"Is there a fly in it?" asks the waiter.
"JUST TASTE THE SOUP WILL YA!" the old man insists.
The waiter looks down:
"OK then... Where is the spoon?"
The old man exclaims, "Aha!"

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A man goes to hospital feeling really unwell.
The Doctor performs some tests and says, “I am afraid you have a very rare and very contagious disease, we”re transferring you to a room where you will be fed a diet of Pizza, toast and pancakes.”
“Will that cure me?” asks the man.
“No,” says the Doctor, “it”s the only food we can pass under the fuскing door!”

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What is it about McDonald's breakfast? Do they have some magical, mystical biscuits and eggs that just disintegrate at the sтrоке of 10:29:59? Have you ever shown up at 10:27, 10:26, still been denied? Don't you feel like Rosa Parks and your civil rights were violated?

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Yo momma is so fат, that all the local fast foods joints have now installed a "Roll Thru"

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Fifty cents to use the pay toilets at Taco Веll. What's Taco Веll telling us when taking a dump is 50 cents, but a Fiesta Taco is 39 cents? What is that -- eat now, pay later?

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Burns: Do you like to love?
Allen: No.
Burns: Like to kiss?
Allen: No.
Burns: What do you like?
Allen: Lamb chops.
Burns: Lamb chops. Could you eat two big lamb chops alone?
Allen: Alone? Oh, no, not alone. With potatoes I could.

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Why were the Cocoa Puffs so afraid of their owner?
They heard that he was a cereal killer.

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You ever go shopping for a really cute, little, sеxy black dress -- and you come home with an extra-large pepperoni pizza?

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Some people who don't like seafood complain that it tastes too fishy...
How can you be so arrogant as to eat something and then complain that it tastes like itself???

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What did the apple say to the orange?
"I despise you for being different from me."

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Anytime there was a problem in the world, we'd send troops. Now, anytime there's a problem in the world, we send food. Problem in Bosnia, we send them food. Problem in Somalia, we send them food. Clinton's like my mom.

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An elderly married couple enters a restaurant for dinner and orders some food. As the waiter serves the food on their table, the husband starts eating while the wife just looks at her platter.
Astonished by this rather unusual scene, a young man sitting besides goes over to their table and courteously asks the lady as to why is she only staring at but not eating her food, The women agreeably replies,
"Well son, we have only one set of dentures and today it's his turn first."

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I'm watching TV with my father late at night 'cause he doesn't sleep. And you know that commercial for 'Save the Children'? The one that comes on really late, where the lady goes, 'For the price of a cup of coffee, 67 cents a day'? My father and I are both sitting there, thinking the exact same thing:
'Where can you get coffee for 67 cents?!'

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Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound.
The other two are goulash and squid.

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How do seedless grapes reproduce?

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A man went in to a restaurant and ordered alphabet soup. The man's alphabet soup was in front of him when a bee went inside.
The man cried out, "Waiter, Waiter, there's a bee in my alphabet soup!"
The waiter said,
"Yes, sir, and I believe all the other letters are there too."

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