Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water. One day, just as they were finally about to give up, they crawled into a clearing and there right in front of them stood a Cannibal's Restaurant. Out front near the entrance was a large menu board. With the little energy they had left, they dragged themselves across the clearing and looked up to see the following menu:
Par boiled Priest $12.00
Roast Lion Hunter $14.00
Steamed Politician $198.50
They struggled in, dragged themselves to a table, and a waiter came to take their order. Before they ordered, one of the explorers asked the waiter "Can you help me understand your menu? The first two items are priced about the same, but the third item, the politician, is priced so much higher. Why is that?"
"Are you kidding?" replied the waiter, "Did you ever try to clean one of those suckers?"
A fine-looking gentleman sat down in the main dining room of an expensive restaurant. He ordered a big dinner and spent an hour enjoying himself.
After he was given the check, he summoned the headwaiter. "Ah, my friend," he said,
"That was a delicious meal! Perhaps you don't remember that I was a guest at this same table just about a year ago. And at that time I couldn't pay the check, so you, sir had me thrown out in full view of all the other diners."
"I am so sorry, sir," said the head waiter, "but, you understand-"
"Oh it's quite all right," interrupted the gentleman, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you again."
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. She said... 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said,
"There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud-pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said,
"No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked,
"What's on the TV?" I said,
"Dust!"