Friendship Jokes

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Gаys are very sociable types.
They like to widen the circle of their friends.

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Saul and his friend Moshe, (who’s looking a little depressed) are at a synagogue talking. …
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“Moshe, I’ve seen you feeling a little down over the past few times. Is everything all right?” asks Saul. …
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“My son is getting married next week” says Moshe. …
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“But Moshe, many of our congregants’ sons are getting married. That’s not a cause for concern. Say, what’s the name of the lucky bride?” …
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“It’s Tyrone” says Moshe.
“Well I totally understand why you’re feeling sad. Tyrone is definitely not a Jewish name.” says his friend Saul.

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Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool;
Old Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat – next to Michael.
‘Who does that seat belong to?’ asked the person in the next seat.
‘My wife usually sits there.’ Michael replied.
‘But why isn’t she here?’ the neighbor persisted
‘She died.’ Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone.
‘So why didn’t you give the ticket to one of your friends?’
‘They’ve all gone to the funeral.’ said Michael.

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Nerd Rap:
People always ask why I act like those nerds,
Why I correct grammar and why I use big words.
Stupid... is officially whack.
Man you look real fly, but you can't spell cat!
Popularity's irrelevant; Gotta be intelligent.
Stay in the books, and you'll be the new president.
Got an A+; they all made fun of me.
Grew up, now they're working for my company.
L-O-L, exclamation point, send!
I'm so awesome; want to be my friend?

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A couple of kids in the South get pulled over for speeding.
When the trooper approaches the car, the driver says 'What's the problem, sir?'.
The trooper takes out his machined aluminum flashlight and whacks the kid across the head saying 'You don't speak to a state trooper unless you're spoken to'.
The trooper writes out the citation and gives it to the driver who responds 'Thanks a lot'.
The trooper again gives the kid a dose of the flashlight and says 'When you address a state trooper, you finish your sentence with the word sir'.
He then walks over to the passenger side and whacks the other kid with the flashlight.
The kid says 'What was that for, sir?'
The trooper says 'I was just fulfilling your wish.
Y'all wouldn't have gotten 100 yards down this road before you'd have said to your friend, "I wish he'd have hit me with that flashlight", so I fulfilled your wish.'

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Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sеx?

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The other day a friend and myself decided to try out an aerobics video because we were both feeling very unfit.
We put the tape in and started to copy the movements.
After a few minutes we had chopped each other's arms off with chain-saws.
It was only then that we realized that I had accidentally put "Рsyсhо Killers III" in the video by mistake!
How we laughed!!!!

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Me and my friend were making chai tea, and he dropped the tea on his knee. I laughed. he asked why? i called him an asian and told him to stop being so chai knees

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Friend:Who are we looking for? Me: We're finding Nemo. Friend:Then why are we looking around the school? We should be looking in the school toilets!

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After dying in a car crash, three friends find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven. Each one was asked,
"When you are in your casket, what would you like to hear your friends and family saying about you?"
Sean says,
"I would like to hear them say I was a great doctor and a great family man."
Karl says,
"I would like to hear them say I was a wonderful husband and an excellent teacher who made a difference in children's lives."
Juan says,
"I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

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An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
"I don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the dаrn thing!"

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Mom: Son, why don’t you talk to Steven anymore? You used to be best friends!
Son: Well, would you talk to someone who is sтuрid, does drugs, and is an alcoholic?
Mom: Of course not!
Son: Well, neither would he.

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My boy friend said if this gets 200 kick-аss votes... were gonna try аnаl. please don't vote. he's on Viаgrа.

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Me and my friend are having a competition. We want to see if we can see what kind of people actually see this site so who ever wins wins £20 If ur a boy then kick аss If ur a girl then lame :
- )

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A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section - but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl.
So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there.
The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died."
"Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?"
The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."

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There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, who were all stranded on an island.
One day they found a genie and he said he would grant them three wishes.
All three of them agreed that each of them would get one wish each.
The brunette said,
"I wish I was home in my bed and that this never happened."
And рооf, her wish was granted.
The redhead said,
"I wish that I was at home in my bed and this never happened."
And рооf, her wish was granted.
Then the blond said,
"I wish my friends were here with me."

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There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

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I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he’s a really deep sleeper.

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