Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes

A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales.
The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him. So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales. The man says, "Let me tell you a story.... One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, 'Get off your horse.' Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse. Then he says, 'Now drop your pants.' Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I take off my pants. Then he says, 'Now s**t.' Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I s**t. Then he says, 'Now eat it.' Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I eat it. Now, Two Guns is laughing so hard, he drops his guns! I grab them! Now I say, 'Drop your pants.' Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He drops his pants. Then I say, 'Now s**t.' Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He s**ts. Then I say, 'Now eat it.' Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He eats it. So when you ask me if I know a man named Two Guns Gonzales, the answer is yes: I had lunch with him last week."

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A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair.
"Fellas! My p***y is so big that I'll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can't take." A big cowboy gets up and takes off his size 16 cowboy boots and shoves them into her p***y. The boots are suскеd right in. He grabs a flashlight and, that too, is suскеd in. He puts his face in between her legs to get a better look and he gets suскеd in. Inside he hears noises.
"Is someone else in here?" he asks.
"Yeah, I've been in here for a week," the voice says.
"Help me find my flashlight and we can get out of here," the cowboy says.
"Неll," says the other man, "help me find my keys and we can drive out."

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

Two gаy men, Paul and Tom, were making love one night, and had just finished when Paul decided he was going to freshen up in the shower. Tom was laying there thinking about how wonderful Paul was, when he decided he was going to join him in the shower.
When Tom got into the bathroom, he opened up the shower curtain and the first thing he saw was a large сuмshот on the wall. He wailed to Tom, ''I can't believe you! We just finish making love and you come in here and jack-off!!''
Paul looks at the wall and says ''What are you talkng about? I wasn't jacking-off, I farted!!!"

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Fart Jokes Love Jokes

One night as a bartender is closing up his bar, he hears a knock at the back door. When he opens the door, there stands a вuм who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?"
The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up his bar. Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the door. Again, there stands another вuм who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?"
The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up the bar. Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the back door. This time, there's a вuм asking for a straw. The owner gives him a straw, but finally asks what's going on out there. The вuм replies, "Some lady threw up in the back, but all the good stuff is gone."

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Gross Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement."
Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter. "That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands."
The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?"
The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Two old ladies are at the movies.
"Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off."
"What makes you say that?"
"He's using my hand."

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Gross Jokes Old People Jokes

Want to hear a dirтy joke?
A man fell in the mud.Want to hear a clean joke? He took a bath with bubbles.Want to hear another dirтy joke? Bubbles was his neighbor.

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Gross Jokes

What is more fun that stapeling babies to a wall?
Ripping them off.

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Gross Jokes

A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.
"I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead.
"Hold the turtle, make it pea!"

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

A hitchhiker walks down the road. Unfortunately, he has the runs and has to stop every 15 minutes. A truck driver stops and offers a ride, but warns him that he won't stop for anything.
About 10 minutes on the road, the hitchhiker begs the truck driver to stop, and the driver tells him, "Stick your вuтт out the window if you have to go so bad."
The hitchhiker sticks his вuтт out the window and lets loose. Unfortunately, he doesn't notice the two guys walking on the roadside.
Sprayed with feces, the first guy wipes his face and says, "What are them truckers chewing these days?"
The second guy wipes his face and says, "I don't know, but did you see the lips on that guy?"

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Gross Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her - but he can't.
Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help.
So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, ''Don't worry. I got him with the door!''

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Gross Jokes Car and driving jokes Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Church jokes Love Jokes

A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He takes the dirтy, chewed up rabbit into the house. He gives it a bath, вlоw dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

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Gross Jokes Dog jokes

Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.

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Gross Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes One-Liner Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q: What's the connection between the Star Trek Enterprise and toilet paper?
A: They both travel around Uranus looking for Klingons.

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Gross Jokes

Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?
A: It runs in your genes.

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Gross Jokes

What is tougher than a pitbull with AIDS?
The guy who gave it to him.

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Gross Jokes

Three guys begin work at a toothbrush company as salesmen.
Each day, two of the guys sell twenty toothbrushes each, and the third guy consistently sells two hundred. The other two guys are jealous, but they can't figure out his secret. Then, one day, they run into him at the mall, where he's set up a tobacco dip sample table.
"This is your secret?" says the first guy.
"Try some dip," says the third.
They both take a little bit o' dip.
"Ech!" says the second guy. "
This tastes like s**t!"
"It is s**t. Would you like to buy a toothbrush?"

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Gross Jokes Office and Work Jokes

One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, ''Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world.
'' Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!"

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Gross Jokes Office and Work Jokes

Q: What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea?
A: He drowned in his own tea рее.

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Gross Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes American Jokes

Рrоsтiтuте 1: Tonight's my night - I can smell c**k in the air.
Prostitute 2: Oh, sorry. I burped.

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Gross Jokes