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Holiday Jokes

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Q: What's the first thing elves learn in school?
A: The "elf"-abet!
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Желба A little boy wrote to Santa ... Α letter to santa Claus Малко момченце пише писмо до Дядо Коледа: Дете: Un bambino a babbo natale: Малко момченце писало на Дядо Коледа: "Изпрати ми сестричка!". Маленький хлопчик написав Діду Морозу: Dziecko do świętego Mikołaja: - Przyślij mi na święta braciszka. Święty Mikołaj do dziecka: - To przyślij mi przed świętami swoją mamusię. Un enfant écrit au Père Noël : - Cher Père Noël En gang skrev en lille dreng til julemanden ”Gider du være sød og give mig en lillesøster?”. Så skrev julemanden tilbage ”Okay Boy - "dear Santa Bambino: “Caro Babbo Natale Bulişor îi scrie lui Moş Crăciun: - Anul asta Bula Un copilas ii scrie lui Mos Craciun: - Trimite-mi un fratior Mos Craciun raspunde: - Trimite-mi-o mai intaii pe mata. Pepíček píše Ježíškovi „Pošli mi sestřičku“. On odpovídá „Tak mi pošli maminku.“ Toto écrit au Père Noël : - «Cher Pere Noel Му пишало некое дете на Дедо Мраз „Дедо Мраз те молам прати ми сестричка". Дедо Мраз му пишал "Ок
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says:
"Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas."
Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
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Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
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J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day?
A: TWERKY!
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Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
A: Spare ribs!
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Q: Why are vampires so easy to fool?
A: Because they are suckers.
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Q: If April showers bring may flowers, what do mayflowers bring?
A: Pilgrims!
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Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders?
A: Because they have a lot of spirit!
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Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music?
A: Wrap!
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Q: Why do pilgrims pants fall down?
A: Because their belts are on their hats.
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What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
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Johnny wanted to get his mom something nice for Christmas but she’s hard to shop for. Passing a pet store he thought, "Hmm, a pet might be a good idea." He walked in the pet store and asked the manager what might be a good idea. "How about a puppy?"
"No," said Johnny. "It may роор around the house."
"A fish?"
"No, her house is small, so I don’t think an aquarium will fit." Johnny then spied a parrot and asked, "How about that parrot?"
"Oh," said the manager, "That’s Chet. He’s very expensive."
"Well," said Johnny, "It’s my mom let’s take a look." The manager went to Chet, put a lighter under his left wing, and Chet started to sing "Jingle bells, jingle bells..." Then the manager put a lighter under Chet’s right wig and it started to sing, "Dashing through the snow..."
"Wow!" said Johnny, "What else does he sing?" The manager held the lighter under Chet’s crotch at which point Chet sang, "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire."
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Three men die and meet Peter at the pearly gates. Three men are killed in an auto accident on Christmas Eve and ascend to heaven Three men had been at a wild office party and died in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They soon found themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. But before they could pass Three men wait at the gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. They're told they have to present a Christmas gift to get in. The first man checks his pockets and finds pine needles from his family's tree....
Three men all die on Christmas Day and arrive at the pearly gates. Peter greets them and tells them that they are all evil men who should go to hеll, but because it's Christmas, he'll let them into heaven if they have something representing the holiday with them. One of the guys has a Christmas ornament, and gets let in. Another guy has pine needles on his shirt, and gets let in. The third guy pulls out a pair of раnтiеs. "How do those represent Christmas?" asks Peter. "These are Carol's."
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Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
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What's a turkey's favorite song? "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"
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What did the skeleton tell the doctor in the club? I need some body to dance!
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Why did the vampire subscribe to the Wall St Journal? He heard it had great circulation...
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How did the ghost go on vacation?
By scareplane!
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