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Priest: Kim, do you take Kanye to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and cherish?
Kim: I..
*Kanye grabs mic*
Kanye: She do.

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One day a priest told the Mother Superior that he was going into town and try to convert some ladies of the evening.
Later off he went and drove to a certain part of town known for the ladies of the evening.
The first one he approached asked him before he had a chance to say a word she said "heh Father, how about a little head for 10"
He was clueless and embarrassed and left quickly.
He approached another young woman and again before he could say a word she said "heh Father, how about a little head for 10?"
Again he left quickly and returned to the convent.
Once back he saw Mother Superior and quietly took him aside and whispered Mother Superior "what's head?"
She replied "$10.00 same as in town."

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Religion jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Priest Jokes Communication Jokes Priest Jokes

Whats the chemical formula of compressed liquid oxygen?
O2.zip

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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Science jokes

Customer: Could you please call me a cab?
Little Johnny: OK... "You're a cab."

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Little Johnny Jokes Customer service jokes

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just beat the room for being black.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes Light bulb jokes Black People Jokes

A third age Scotsman was waiting for his son to return from his first date. Finally, he arrived after midnight.
"Were you worried, father?"
"Yes, I was really worried... I want to know how much did that date cost you..."
"It cost me only four euros!"
"Hmm, it's not that much."
"I know father... But the girl didn't have any more money..."

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Money jokes Old People Jokes Scottish Jokes Dating Jokes

A boy tells his friend that he has a crush on his teacher.
The second boy says, ‘Man, that is disgusting.’
The first boy says, ‘What?
Everyone has a crush on their teacher.’
The second boy says, ‘Yeah, but you’re home-schooled.’

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School Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

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Car and driving jokes Men jokes Science jokes Chemistry Jokes Nerd jokes

I discovered that I'd spent an hour walking around a mall with a shoe store's "Feel the Comfort" sticker stuck to my body.
More humiliating?
It was attached to my left вrеаsт.

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Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Business jokes

"Have you got the address of the butter website?"
"Yes, but don't spread it around."

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Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Communication Jokes Internet Jokes

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.
They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"

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School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes Student jokes

A Liverpool docker went to South Africa for a job.
The boss tells him, "Its people like you we want here. Here's a test. There's a revolver, go out and shoot 6 niggеrs and a rabbit."
The docker asks, "Why do I have to shoot the rabbit?"
He got the job.

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Office and Work Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Africa Jokes Boss Jokes

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags.
I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God!
What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."

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Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
"Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag."
"That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought."
Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Valentine's Day Jokes Friendship Jokes

If the box says: "This software requires Windows XP or better"
Does that mean it'll run on Linux?

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Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Geek jokes Nerd jokes

Heaven was getting a bit crowded, so Peter began giving quizzes to see who should get in.
A man ascended to heaven, and came to the gates “Who was the first man?” asked Peter.
“Adam.”
“That’s correct. Enter.”
Soon another man came along.
“Where did Adam and Eve live?”
”Eden.”
“That’s correct. Enter.”
Then Mother Theresa came along.
“Ooh, I’ll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?”
“Mmm, that IS a hard one.”
“Enter.”

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Religion jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

Q: What do computers and air conditions have in common?
A: They're both become useless when you open windows.

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Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Nerd jokes

Two dyslectic fellas sat in the kitchen...
Fella 1: "Ere, can you smell gas?"
Fella 2: "Who me? No... I can't even smell my own name!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond.
On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen!
"Dear frog" the priest asked, "what is the matter? Why re you so sad?"
"Well," said the frog, "I was not always a frog."
"Tell me more" said the priest.
"One day, I was waslking through these woods when I came upon a wicked witch. 'Stand aside witch' I said to her. But alas, she called me a nasty cheeky boy and turned me into a frog."
"But that's terrible! Isn't there anything that can be done to reverse the spell?" asked the priest.
"Well" said the frog, "if a kind person were to take me home for the night, feed me and put me to sleep on their pillow, I am sure I would wake up human again."
"Well, this is your lucky day!" said the priest.
So he took the frog home, fed him and put him to sleep on his pillow. And lo and behold, when he woke up the next morning, there was a 10 year old choir boy in his bead!
"And that Your Honour, is the case for the Defence!"

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Animal Jokes Old People Jokes Priest Jokes Lawyer Jokes Priest Jokes

Q: Why don't you see any рот heads in elementary school?
A: Because they're all in high school

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School Jokes Drug Jokes

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