Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

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Raphael runs to his father and starts talking to him urgently, “Dad, dad…”
His father turns to him angrily and says, “I’ve had it with you constantly interrupting me. From now on you’ll speak only when I’ve asked you something!”
Raphael thinks for a second and continues, “OK dad, can you please ask me if you’ve forgotten to put in the handbrake and if your car is now rolling down the road?”

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What is the single most popular subject at a snake school? Hisssstory.

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Little Johnny asked his mom:
“Mommy, where’s Grandpa?”
Mommy replies:
“Oh, my little boy. We’ve talked about this, remember? He fell down from a really steep ladder and now he’s in heaven.”
“Yeesh”, says little Johnny, “that must have been quite a bounce!”

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What button is it impossible to unbutton?
The belly button!

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Have I told you the joke about the roof?
Actually, never mind, it would be way over your head!

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Teacher cracks down on Little Johnny:
“Come now, Johnny! Admit it. You had your parents help you with the homework, didn’t you?”
Little Johnny replies:
“Absolutely not. They did it all by themselves!“

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How does a school differ from an insane asylum?
Different phone numbers.

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Antonia buys 5 chocolate bars. Her friend Julie asks her for 2 of them. How many chocolate bars does Antonia end up with?
Answer: Five. Antonia is quite a greedy girl.

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What is every pirate’s favorite letter?
(Everyone answers Arrr)
Yeah, you’d think it’s R, but it’s really C!

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Two neighbors are chatting and one says, “You know, Jim, you have such a teeny, tiny dog. Why the heck do you have a sign saying ‘Beware of the dog’?”
Jim says, “Basically I don’t want anybody to stumble over him.”

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An ant saw an elephant running towards him. He was afraid that the elephant would step on him. What did the ant do?
He quickly hid behind a tree, waited and then tripped the elephant up.

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Doctor:
“Can you describe the snake that bit you?”
Patient:
“Yes. It looked like an angry rope.

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A lady walks into a shop in a mall and addresses the shop assistant, “Hi. I really need a stronger pair of glasses.”
“Oh yeah you do,” says the shop assistant, “this is a bakery.”

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Three doves are sitting in a tree.
Suddenly they spot an airplane in the distance. One nudges the other:
- ”Look at that! That is fast!”
The other looks at him:
“You’d be too I if your вuтт was on fire.“

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What can smell without a nose?
A fаrт.

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Teacher: Marvin, please go outside the door and stay there.
Marvin: Why?
Teacher: Because your jabbering is very disruptive and nobody wants to listen to it.
Marvin: Then perhaps you should come along with me.

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Teacher:
"Patrick, you are an hour and a half late for school. What in the world?!"
Student:
"Sorry sir, I had to say bye to all my pets."
Teacher:
"An hour and a half?!"
Student:
"Well it is quite a big ant farm…"

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What begins with a T, ends with a T and even has T inside it?
A TeapoT.

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