Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

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Q: What's yellow and goes up and down?
A: A banana in an elevator.

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Why does a chicken lay eggs? Because if she dropped them, they'd break

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Q: Why did the моrоn throw the butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see a butterfly.

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Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer.

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Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An embarassed zebra!

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The best way to teach kids about taxes is to eating 30% of their ice cream

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A chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents named him "Sudden Lee"

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Every time I say "NO", my kids hear: "Ask again, she didn't understand the question".

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Heaviest objects in the Universe: 1. Sun 2. Neutron star 3. Black hole 4. Toy you just asked your kid to pick up

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Children:
You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

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An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

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Joke for mothers:
When your first child eats some earth, a bit of grass or a worm, you take it to a doctor.
When your second child eats some earth, a bit of grass or a worm, you spit on a hankie and clean it.
When your third child eats some earth, a bit of grass or a worm, you wonder whether it still needs lunch.

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"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In the stork?"

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What is sticky and brown? A stick!

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What’s the difference between spinach and boogers?
Kids don’t eat spinach.

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Why was 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9.

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A child comes home dripping wet.
Mother: What on earth were you doing?!

Kid: We were playing dog with my friends.
I was the tree.

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