Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

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You want to know what its like to have a fourth kid? Imagine you're drowning, and then someone hands you a baby...

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A kid went to the police department to report about his stolen bicycle.
OFFICER: Are you suspicious about anyone who would steal it?
KID: My parents, I guess. Because in the night I heard dad saying:
"Нuмр on it before Derek wakes up!"

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Funny how I see some really clever jokes on here with a lot of lame ratings yet sтuрid roses are red jokes get a bunch of kickass votes. This site must get a lot of kids on it

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Chuck Norris: Now kids do not try this "Swallows Lava"

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A kid has a shower with his mom and says dont look up so he does and said mommy whats that the mum said the garage sweetie
The next day the kid has a shower with his dad and the dad said dont look up so he did and he said whats that daddy the dad said the harley
That night the kid sleeps in his mom and dads bed and the dad comes in a says copme on time to move i have to park the harley in the garage and the little boy said i just did that daddy

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I just saw two elementary school kids having a fist fight. So as an adult I had to step in. They didn't stand a chance.

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Yo mamma so fат when she went out side in a yellow rain jacket and the kids yelled the school bus is here

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The b*tch of the class strutted up to a fат kid and asked,
"When is it due"
The girl thought for a moment then replied,
" I don't know, ask your boyfriend"

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Kid: Dear Santa send me a brother
Santa: Bring me your mother

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"Dad, where did I come from?" asks this 10-years-old. The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next two hours he explained every thing to his son. When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted his question to which his son replied, "I was talking to the new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio, so I was just wondering where I came from."

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I don't want to be younger, I really don't. Every time I look back a couple years, I think, 'God, what a jеrк I was.' But with that knowledge comes the realization that I'm a jеrк right now. I think that's why old people get real quiet. They're like, 'Man, I'm an idiот. I'm going to just stand right here.'

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So I go to McDonalds to get a drink when I see this fат girl bullying a mentally disabled kid. So I walk up to her.
Me: You know that can happen to any of us, right?
Girl: Well God gave me a mouth to speak with so I'm going to use it
Me: Yeah? Well God gave you a mouth to eat too, but you abused that privilege, didnt ya?
Girl:
- Speechless-
Me: Wipe that ketchup off your сhin, too.
Girl:
- Wipes сhin-
Me: No, your other сhin.

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If the 9+10=21 kid was Chinese:
Guy: You sтuрid!
Kid: No I'm not!
Guy: What's 9+10?
Kid: Twenty wаng.

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The six year old asked his grandpa how old he was. Grandpa decided to have some fun and replied, "I really don't know."
The boy said,
"Why don't your look in your underwear?"
"Why would I do that?" he replied in wonder.
"Well mine says 4 to 6 and I am six years old."

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Woke up early and punched the missus in the face,
This woke the kids up so I gave them a couple of jabs on the stomach,
The dog came running in so I gave him an uppercut.
I fuскing love Boxing Day

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When I was a kid, my parents gave me a drum set for Christmas. They let me ваng them as long as it wasn’t after midnight.
They always slept better after being banged.

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After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room.
Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping.
His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted.
In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed, and then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!"

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Dad: Son!
Kid: What?
Dad: Where's your homework?
Kid: Oh, it's done.
Dad: I said WHERE.
Kid: in the world.
Dad: Where in the world?
Kid: In our home, duh
Dad: Where in the home?
Kid: Which home?
Dad: Our home!
Kid: Who is our?
Dad: You, your mother and I
Kid: Which eye? The left or right?
Dad: Shut up!
Kid: Who?
Dad: You!
Kid: When?
****Dad leaves home****

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