Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

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Bully: Hey wimp, stop trying to be cool just by wearing those shades. Kid: I'm not trying to be cool, these are to protect me from the look of your face
Crowd: AWW SNAP

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A young boy performed a magic trick and then afterwards someone went up to him and asked,
"How did you do that?"
The boy replied, "Very well, thank you. I did it very well."

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A third-grade child was asked by his teacher to spell “straight.” The boy did so without error. “Now,” said the teacher, “what does it mean?”
“Without water” was his reply.

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A curious child asked his mother:
“Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child:
“It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently:
“Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

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Jеrк: hey diрshiт I know why your lonely
Kid: why
Jerk: nobody has time for you
Kid: maybe not you but your mom took all the time she needed last night

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When I was in second grade, my Grandma told me that she wrote a book. She said, “Look, I’m in print.” I said, “That’s great Grandma, but I’m in cursive.”

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Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

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I’m sick of Christmas already. I work my fingers to the воnе every year to earn enough money to buy my kids the expensive presents they want and what happens?
That fат fuскеr with the beard gets all the credit….
Still, it’s my own sтuрid fault for marrying her.

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When I was a kid we were so poor that on Christmas morning if I didn’t have morning wood, I had nothing to play with.

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“Johnny, I’ve had a letter from your Principal, said the father.
It seems you’re very careless with your appearance.”
“Am I, Dad?”
“Yes. You haven’t appeared in school since last semester!”

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A grandma lovingly gives her granddaughter a kiss on the cheek upon seeing her at a family get-together. Afterwards, she noticed the little girl wiping her cheek.
“Are you wiping off my kiss?” she asked.
“No”, she smartly replied, somewhat embarrassed but quick on her feet, “I’m just rubbing it in!”

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Fат guy:I can play basketball
Black Kid:No you can't and even if you could you'd Play for Miami Eat

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God is a man. No, wait, follow me on this -- follow me on this. I figure any deity that has five and a half billion kids who haven't seen or heard from him in 2,000 years -- that's gotta be a man.

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Both my wife and I are bad cooks.
Our cooking is so bad, that our kids have started praying after we've had dinner.

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Annoying Kid: your gay
You: Please, I'm straighter than your mama's stripping pole

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Kid#1- Make me
You- I don't make trash I burn it

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I never had hips. It's because I don't have kids. Everybody tells me that once I have a kid, I'll grow some hips. That's cool, but what do you do with the kid?

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A Cub Scout troop was half an hour late to its den meeting. The den mother asked them severely, “Why are you so late?”
“Oh,” said one boy, “we were helping an old man cross the street.”
“That’s a nice thing for scouts to do,” said the mother. She paused. “But it shouldn’t make you half an hour late.”
“Well, you see,” said another boy, “he didn’t want to go.”

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