Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

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3 boys are fishing on a river and a man comes floating by screaming help. The 3 boys grab the man and they realize it is Justin Bieber! Justin said thank you and he wanted to give each boy a gift, anything they wanted.
The first boy said, I haven't been to Disney World. Justin gave him and his family an all expense paid trip to Florida.
The second boy said, that he loves fishing but his dad works to much. Justin bought him and his dad an all expense paid trip to Alaska.
The third boy said what about a motorized wheel chair, with a tv and an Xbox attached, and it dispenses candy. Justin said yes, and that was great that he was giving away his gift. He asked who would be getting this gift? It's for me he replied. To that Justin replied, you can walk just fine though.
I will need that wheel chair after my dad finds out I pulled you out of the river.
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One day a kid was sitting at home waiting for his relatives to come over. He overheard his parents fighting with each other yelling "YOU ВIТСН"
"You ваsтаrd".
Being so young, the kid had never heard those words before and asked his parents what they meant. They replied by saying "Вiтсh means lady and ваsтаrd means gentlemen". Satisfied with this answer the boy went to his room.
Then he heard the neighbors having sеx. They were repeating the words "DIСК and "СUNТ" over and over and over. Again, the boy was curious and asked his parents what those words meant. Thinking fast, his mother said "Diск means coat and сunт means jackets."
Once again the boy was satisfied with the answer and headed to the bathroom, but his father was shaving and the boy had to wait. Fearing that the boy might wet himself, the father shaved faster. He went a little to quick and ended up cutting himself, "SНIТ!!!!!" he yelled. "What's shiт mean daddy," the boy asked . The father, stuck for an answer said,
"It means shaving cream."
The boy did his "business" and his dad went back to shaving. His next stop was the kitchen, there he saw his mother preparing the turkey. As she reached for a knife she ended up cutting herself. "AW FUСК!!", she yelled. "What's fuск mean mommy", the boy asked. "It means stuffing the turkey."
Finally, the guest arrived, the boy went to the door and said,
"Hello b*tches and ваsтаrds, may I take your diскs and сunтs? Dad's in the bathroom putting shiт on his face and Mom is in the kitchen f*cking the turkey!
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There was a terrible automobile accident. A family of four was killed and their pet chimpanzee was the only survivor.
The investigators were trying to figure out what happened when one of them had an idea. "I understand chimps are very intelligent. Some of them can use sign language. Let's try it. What was the mother doing?" he asked.
The chimp put up one hand for a mirror and with the other pretended to put on lipstick. "She was putting on lipstick!" he exclaimed.
Pleased that they were communicating, he continued the questioning. "What were the kids doing?" The chimp put up his fists and punched the air. "They were fighting!" The chimp nodded.
"What was the father doing?" The chimp tipped back his head and raised his hand as if drinking from a bottle. "Drinking! The father was drinking!"
"And what were you doing?" he asked the chimp. With intense concentration the chimp peered straight ahead and grabbed the imaginary steering wheel.
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A man selling carpet called a home and a little boy with a whisper answered the phone the man introduced himself to the child and asked if he could speak to his father the little boy said,
"No" the man asked why not? The little boy exclaimed, " He’s busy" so the man asked to speak with his mother, the little boy said,
"No" the man asked why not? The little boy said, “She's busy” so the man asked if there were any other grown ups in the house. The little boy said, “ yes a policeman and a fireman” the man asked to speak to the policeman the little boy said, “no” He’s busy so the man asked to speak to the fireman and the little boy said, “no” He’s busy so the man puzzled said, there are four grownups in your house and they are all busy, do you mind if I ask what are they doing? The little boy still in a whisper says " yah they are looking for me"
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