Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

I introduced my girlfriend to my family today.
My kids really liked her but my wife seemed mad.

0

0

Eight-year-old Daniel heard his grandmother tell his mother that a football was needed for the family dinner Sunday night. Daniel couldn't imagine why, but if he could help grandma prepare the meal, he would. But he didn't have a football, so he went over to Greg's house and traded 50 baseball cards for an old deflated football. He pumped it up, shined it and placed it on the kitchen table waiting for grandma to discover it.
"Daniel!" his mother exclaimed, "You know Grandma is cooking tonight. Please put your things where they belong!"
Daniel was holding back the tears, "But it's for Grandma! She said she needed a football for dinner."
Mother did her best to hold back the laughter, "You know Grandma and her Irish accent. She meant a FRUIT BOWL!"

0

0

A kid tried talking to you with his mouth full of food
Kid: Мuff blah -mouth full of food noises- or talking with mouth full
Me: I don't understand you, try taking the diск out of your mouth and then try talking.

0

0

What do you call a girl on the beach with no arms and no legs?
Sandy
What was here friends name?
Shelly
What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs on the porch?
Matt
What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob
What do you call a girl with one leg longer than the other?
Eileen

0

0

Bully: You're a fаggот!
Kid: Go fuск yourself.
Bully: Where did you get your comebacks? The dollar store?
Kid: Where did you get your diск? The lego store?
Class: OHHHHHHHH

0

0

If the 9+10=21 kid was mexican i bet instead of saying twenty-one, he would say;
Guy: Whats 9+10?
Kid: TWENTY-JUAN???

0

0

21st Century kids standing at museum looking at an Egyptian mummy with 1227BC written below.
1st Kid: What does that mean.
2nd Kid: Must be his BBM Pin.

0

0

Parent:
"Why did you swallow the money I gave you?"
Child:
"Well, you did say it was my lunch money."

0

0

At what age do you stop sniffing your kid's crotch to see if they wet themselves? Because my Mom is out of control…

0

0

My five-year-old nephew has always happily answered to BJ. That ended when he came home from his first day of school in a foul mood. It seems his teacher took roll call and he never heard his name.
"Why didn’t anyone tell me my name was William?!" he complained.

0

0

A nursery school driver was delivering a van full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said Tommy.
"No," said Billy, "he’s just for good luck."
Peter brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," he said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

0

0

A Sunday school teacher asked the children in her class, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into Heaven?"
"No!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven?"
Again the answer was "No!"
"Well", she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

0

0

They want to get back on their kids for sсrеwing up their lives, so they're your best friends. 'You know, Grandma, Dad's yelling at me.'
'Oh yeah? Well tell him he peed in his bed 'til he was 12. See if he yells at you now.'

0

0

I saw a 7 year old kid with an iPad 2.
Spoiled little ваsтаrd.
So I ran up to him and snatched it.

0

0

For weeks a five-year-old child kept telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister or brother that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the child to feel the movements of the unborn baby. The five-year-old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Moreover, he stopped telling the teacher about the awaiting event. Finally the teacher sat the child on her lap and said, “Lucas, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?
“Lucas burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”

0

0

What do black kids and light bulbs have in common? The both look good hanging And how do you get then down you ask? Give a mexican kid a baseball bat and tell them it's a pinta

0

0

The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? "Cause you're fatter than they are."

0

0

Hearing a scream from the playroom, the mother rushed in and found her infant daughter pulling the hair of her four-year-old bother. After separating them, the mother said to her son, “Don’t be upset with your sister, honey. She didn’t know she was hurting you.”
No sooner had the mother returned to he chores than she heard more screaming. This time she rushed in and found the baby crying. “Now what happened?” she asked.
“Nothing,” said the boy, “except that now she knows.”

0

0