An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"
The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions.
Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research.
After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions.
At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side.
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food."
the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along!
And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!"
the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind.
Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"
There once was a set of twin alligators that grew up in the same bayou. One, however, was much larger and stronger than the other.
One day the twins were sitting there talking, and trying to figure out why one was so much вiggеr - since they were the same age, had the same genes, and grew up in the same place. The вiggеr alligator asked his smaller brother where he had been feeding.
The smaller said,
"Down in that parking lot at the end of the bayou, why?"
The вiggеr said,
"Well, thats where I feed too, what's your technique?"
The smaller then looked at him and said,
"Well, I go over to one of those lawyers cars, and hide up under it, when he comes out, I grab him, shake the shiт out of him, and then eat him."
The larger then exclaimed, "That's it! by the time you shake the shiт out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but the briefcase!"