• Home
  • Joke Categories
  • Popular
  • Jokes From our facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/Jokes-441655979354080)
  • Funny pictures
  • Most popular
  • Newest jokes
  • Aviation Jokes
  • Christmas Jokes
  • Corona virus jokes (Covid - 19), Coronavirus
  • Dad Jokes
  • Genie jokes
  • Gynaecology Jokes, Gynaecologist Jokes
  • Jewish Jokes
  • Jokes about US Elections 2020 Trump vs Biden
  • Jokes From our facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/Jokes-441655979354080)
  • Knock-knock jokes
  • Lawyer Jokes
  • Masturbation jokes
  • Nurse jokes
  • Old People Jokes
  • Psychology, Psychotherapy, and psychiatry jokes, Shrinks Jokes
  • Rude Jokes
  • Scots jokes, Scotsman Jokes, Scottish jokes, Scotland Jokes
  • Sex Jokes
  • Vulgar jokes
  • Weed Jokes
  • Blonde Jokes
  • Chuck Norris
  • Dark Humor
  • Dirty jokes
  • Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke
  • Donald Trump Jokes
  • Drunk Jokes, Drinking Jokes, Alcohol Jokes, Alcoholic Jokes, Beer Jokes
  • Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes
  • Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes
  • Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
  • Putin jokes, Vladimir Putin Jokes
  • Valentine's Day Jokes
Вицове за адвокати English Anwaltswitze Chistes y anécdotas de abogado... Анекдоты про адвокатов Blagues d'avocats Barzellette sugli avvocati Ανέκδοτα για δικηγόρους Адвокат Türkçe Анекдоти про суддів і адвокаті... Piadas de advogados Dowcipy o prawnikach Advokatskämt Advocatenmoppen Advokatvittigheder Advokatvitser Lakimiesvitsit Ügyvéd viccek, Ügyvédes viccek... Glume despre avocați Vtipy o právnících Anekdotai apie advokatus Joki par advokātiem Vicevi o odvjetnicima
My Jokes Edit Profile Logout
  1. Newest jokes
  2. Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular
He was a very keen lawyer, he even named his daughter ‘Sue’.
23
0
4
The homeless lawyer worked hobono.
23
0
4
Boss:
Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here? Secretary: My lawyer.
22
0
4

Στο νεκροταφείο. A mother and her daughter were visiting the grave site of a loved one A mother and son were walking through a cemetery En el cementerio se lee: "Aquí yace un abogado Matka i syn idą cmentarną aleją i mijają nagrobek z napisem: "Tu leży dobry prawnik i człowiek honoru". Chłopiec przeczytał napis
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said...
'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
22
0
4
Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
22
0
4
Talk is cheap….. if lawyers don’t do the talking.
22
0
4
Two lawyers are walking down the road when they see a beautiful woman walking towards them.
‘What a ваве,’ one says.
‘I’d sure like to sсrеw her!’
‘Really?’ replies the other.
‘Out of what?’
22
0
4
The boss speaking with the secretary:
Who told you that, if I kissed you a couple of time, you have the right to laze all day long?
My lawyer.
22
0
4
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hеll do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me sсrеwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
21
0
4
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
21
0
4
A desperate man enters a bar and says:
All the lawyers are sтuрid!!!
From a table a solid man rises up and goes to the desperate man:
Take that back!
Why? Are you a lawyer?
No, I’m sтuрid...
21
0
4
A loan shark asks a lawyers advice:
How can I get back my $1,000 from Johnny if I lost my loan receipt?
Send a letter where you will write to him to send you the $2,000 he owns you.
Ok but I only loaned him $1,000!
That’s the idea, we want to get from hem a proof that he owns you $1,000...
21
0
4

A lawyer with insomnia consults his doctor.
‘Which side is it best to lie on?’ he asks.
‘The side that pays your fee,’ replies the doctor.
21
0
4
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
21
0
4
Q: The tooth fairy, a high-priced lawyer, and a low-priced lawyer were in a room. There was a $100 dollar bill lying on a nearby table. Then the lights suddenly went out.
When the lights came back on, the bill was gone. Who took it?
A: The high-priced lawyer took it, because the other two are only figments of your imagination.
20
0
4
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Нiтlеr, Atilla the Нun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers
Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
20
0
4
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."
"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"
"Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!"
"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."
"But, I did send them."
"What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously. "Yes. That's how we won the case."
"I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card."
20
0
4
A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves. Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.
20
0
4
  • Previous
  • Next

Privacy and Policy Contact Us