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Dad: What is the opposite of ladyfingers?
The family: No idea
Dad: Mentos
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Der Teufel und der Anwalt
При един адвокат се появил дявола и му предлага сделка:
Der Teufel macht einem Immobilienmakler ein Angebot:
Дяволът отива при един адвокат и предлага сделка:
Ein Spekulant sitzt vor seinem Computer und studiert gerade die neuesten Charts und Börsenkurse
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night
Le diable dit à un agent immobilier : - Je vais faire de toi le plus grand agent immobilier du monde. Tu gagneras tous les ans plus d'argent que Bill Gates et le Sultan de Brunei réunis ! En échange
Ein Anwalt hat mit seiner Kanzlei Anlaufschwierigkeiten
Advokaten hade fått en diagnos av sin läkare. Den var minst sagt negativ
U pewnego pisarza pojawił się diabeł: - Jesteś beztalenciem. Nigdy nie napiszesz niczego
C’est le diable qui dit à un avocat : - Je vais prendre les âmes de ta femme et de tes trois enfants. Elles passeront l’éternité avec moi en Enfer. En échange
Un avvocato è seduto nel suo ufficio una notte quando gli compare il Diavolo che gli dice: "Ho una proposta per te. Tu potrai vincere tutte le tue future cause per il resto della tua vita. I tuoi...
After five years of toil at a Wall Street law firm
Wolfgang Schüssel sitzt im Büro. Jemand klopft an die Tür. Es ist der Teufel persönlich. "Erschrecken Sie nicht"
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said.
"I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hеll for eternity."
The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
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I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day.
Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning.
Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.
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Blonde Rides Shotgun
The Blonde and the Blinker
Δυο ξανθιές στο αμάξι
Скъпа
Какво отговоря блондинка като я попиташ дали мигачът мига?
Две блондинки се возят в кола.
Един борец казал на друг:
Што одговара плавуша кога ја прашуваат дали работи жмигавецот на колата:
Zwei Österreicher überprüfen ihr Auto:
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked.
- Vet du vad norrmännen säger om blinkersen i bilen? - Fungerer
C'est deux belges qui sont dans une voiture et le préparent pour partir en vacances. Le conducteur dis au passager - Va voir si le clignotant marche bien s'il te plaît. - Ouais
Carabinieri in auto: "Appuntato guarda se la freccia funziona". "Ora si'
Det var en norrman
A man got in a taxi cab to be driven to work. They were about to turn a corner
Kevin
Un tipo le dice a la mujer rubia: - Andrea
What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working? Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Det var en Svensk turist som var ute och åkte bil i Norge. Han svängde in på en verkstad för att kolla så att alla lampor på bilen fungerade. - Kan jag få hjälp med en sak? Frågade svensken. -...
Det var två norr män som skulle åka bil. Då sa den som skulle köra till den andra: - Kan du gå ur och kolla så blinkersen funkar? - Okej
P: O que uma loira te responde quando você pergunta se o pisca-pisca está funcionando? — Está; não está; Está. Não está...
Ein Mann bittet eine Blondine sich hinter sein Auto zu stellen
A guy asked a blonde if his blinkers were working and she replied On
Two blondes are driving down the road
A guy driving his car asks his blonde girlfriend to stick her head out of the window and check to see if the blinkers are working
This guy picked up a dumb hitchhiker
Quando uma pessoa pergunta para uma loira se o pisca-pisca do carro está funcionado o que ela diz? R.. tá
A husband is driving with her blonde wife, the husband says "Can you stick your head out the window if the blinker works?" T
hen the blonde sticks her head out the window and replies, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..".
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My mother has painted a picture with such cold colours that if I want to take a look at it closely, I must have an anorak, the gloves, the winter cap and a scarf on, not to freeze.
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Friend 1:
"I like my women how I like my milk."
Friend 2:
"What? White?"
Friend 1:
"No, expired."
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A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old.
One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband that says, "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me." He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't you wait up for me."
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Жена ми помоли да и дам гланца за устни. По погрешка и дадох лепило.
Meine Frau hat mich gebeten
Жінка попросила передати їй тюбик із помадою
I accidentally passed my wife a glue stick instead of a chap stick... She's still not talking to me ...
Zwei Freunden treffen sich in der Kneipe. Sagt der eine: "Du
Forleden ba min kone meg om å gi henne leppestiften hennes
Żona prosiła mnie
Onlangs vroeg mijn vrouw me om haar lippenstift door te geven
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
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Me: What do you call someone who isn't sure if they like egg nog or not?
Wife: What?
Me: An Eggnogstic.
Wife: This is grounds for divorce.
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A black family of four, hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the daughter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son trys to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and says, "Daddy, daddy, Philip just got taken by the current" and the dad says,
"Oh, forget that niggа."
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Father: In life you can never be certain about anything.
Son: Really dad, are you sure?
Father: I'm certain.
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One day a family is wondering what to cook for dinner.
They have many ideas but each idea doesn't sound good.
Eventually, they go to the living room to watch tv when all of a sudden a knock at the door.
The mother answers it and it's a nun saying she's going door to door giving out soup to families.
She takes the bag of soup and thanks to the nun.
They all go to the kitchen and grab a bowl and then pour the soup into bowls.
The father says "this soup stinks!"
The mother says "honey a nun brought it to us be grateful."
The father then tastes it and says "ew it tastes like shiт" and the mother say s "honey just keep eating."
After they finish they go to the living room and the news is on.
The reporter says "the man dressed as a nun delivering raw sewage door to door has been caught" they all puked.
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Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?
A: Shoot him again.
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Why don't little girls fаrт?
Because they don't have аsshоlеs until they're married.
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Three friends die in a car accident and attend an orientation in Heaven. An angel asks, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like them to say that I was a great doctor and a loving family man."
The second guy says, "I would like them to say that I was a caring husband and a schoolteacher who made a huge difference to kids."
The last guy says, "I would like them to say - LOOK, he's moving!"
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Yo momma is so fат that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me. "
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Q: What's worse than ants in your pants?
A: Uncle.
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Son: Dad, what does 'gаy' means?
Father: It means 'to be happy'.
Son: Are you gаy?
Father: No, son. I have a wife.
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