Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
A man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big passionate kiss, says she’ll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, ‘Who the hеll was that?’
‘Oh,’ replies the husband, ‘that’s my mistress.’
‘Well, that’s the last straw,’ says the wife. ‘I’ve had enough, I want a divorce.’
‘I can understand that,’ replies her husband, ‘but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don’t get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus’s in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.’
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous ваве on his arm.
‘Who’s that woman with Jim?’ asks the wife.
‘That’s his mistress,’ says her husband.
‘Ours is much prettier,’ she replies.
Mrs. Cohen, Mrs. Levy, and Mrs. Lefkovitz are discussing their sons. Mrs Cohen says, “Now my Sheldon, what a man! A world famous lawyer, he is, with big shot clients, a mansion in Beverly Hills, a summer home in Hawaii. He has a beautiful wife, and everything a man could want in the world.”
Mrs. Levy says, “That’s nice. Lemmie tell you about my son Johnathan. He is a doctor, a world-famous researcher. He travels across the world on conferences, talks, lectures. He was nominated for a Nobel prize in Medicine. What a man!”
Mrs. Lefkowitz says, “My Hershel, he’s an engineer. Now, he makes maybe $35,000 a year, and he’s not famous. But his Рее Рее is so long, you can line up ten pigeons in a row on it.”
The ladies sip their tea for a while. Then, Mrs. Cohen says, “Actually, I got a confession to makes. Sheldon’s an up-and-coming lawyer in Los Angeles, but he doesn’t have a mansion or a summer home. He’s a bright young man with a good future.”
Mrs. Levy says:
“Well, I got a confession too. Johnathan is a good doctor, and he got his share of scholarships, but a Nobel prizewinner, he isn’t.” They all look expectantly at Mrs. Lefkowitz.
“Well, all right, I’ll tell the truth too. The last bird gotta stand on one leg.”