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Interracial dating is becoming more popular. I see people dating, man -- different cultures, different ethnic groups, different religions, man. 'Cause people looking for love! They ain't got time to wait for the colors to match.
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My wife told me I should stop talking to myself.
Stupid woman, I’m not even married.
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My mate got married yesterday.
I asked him what he wanted as a present and he said ‘any Apple product would be great’.
So I bought him a couple of tins of cider
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My wife walked out on me, telling me it was over.
I just sat there eating my popcorn, watching the end credits.
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Going to How to Train Your Dragon tomorrow…
Or marriage guidance counselling as the wife calls it.
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The missus said to me, “Our marriage has come to an end”.
I said, “Not possible, only good things come to an end”.
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One day Little Jonnie says to his father:
I want to get married.
Father: Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind?
Johnny: Yes... Grandma
Father: What? There is a problem now; you want to marry my Mother?
Johnny: Why not? You married my mother
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George and Mary were celebrating their 50th anniversary and were spending the night in the famous Washington DC Watergate Hotel. After retiring at midnight Mary recalled the spy story at the Watergate and asked her husband to get up and check the room.
Disgruntled he looked behind the mirror, the pictures, under the bed and finally under the big circular carpet in the center of the room under the chandelier. Mary exclaimed, "There, look, there is a big plate there, look under it."
Fortunately George had his Swiss Army knife and unscrewed the four large screws, finding nothing. Satisfied the room was not bugged they both went to sleep. Upon checkout the next morning the clerk asked them if they had any problems in their room last night. No, they replied and asked why he asked.
He told them that at midnight the room under them had the chandelier fall down in the center of their room.
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My Mother-in-Law went to the beauty parlor the other day and she was there for five hours...
And that was just for the estimate!
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Far cry from when our parents got married, huh?... Probably the first time they had sеx was on their honeymoon. Boy, times have changed. Not only have I had sеx with my boyfriend, so have some of my girlfriends.
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The wife woke me up at three o’clock this morning..
“Baby.” She whispered. “Do you not love me anymore?”
I can’t believe she came all the way to mum’s just to ask me that.
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My wife asked me, “On a scale of one to ten, how much do you love me?”
I replied, “Well put it this way. On a scale of £500,000 to £5,000,000, how much is your car worth?”
“Oh, don’t be silly! My car isn’t worth that much!”
“My point exactly.”
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A guy was cutting the tail off his dog. His neighbor asked,
"What the hеll are you doing?"
“My mother-in-law is coming to visit and I don't want any sign of welcome" He replied.
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I completely agree with sеx before marriage.
How else would I know if my brother’s future wife was good enough for him?
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Husband: Why can’t you make bread like my mother?
Wife: I would if you could make dough like your father!
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If Burger King married Dairy Queen where would they live?
At White Castle
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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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An elderly couple in their 80’s were about to get married.
She said: I want to keep my house.
He said that’s fine with me.
She said: And I want to keep my Cadillac.
He said: That’s fine with me.
She said: And I want to have sеx 6 times a week.
He said: That’s fine with me…Put me down for Fridays
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