Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

The frugal man walked into the house panting and almost completely exhausted. “What happened, Honey?” asked his wife.
“It’s a great new idea I have,” he gasped. “I ran all the way home behind the bus and saved $1.50 cents.”
“That wasn’t too smart,” replied his wife. “Why didn’t you run behind a taxi and save ten dollars?”

0

0

Looking back, I can pinpoint the precise moment that my marriage turned sour.
We were in bed, kissing and caressing each other, running our hands up and down each others bodies, experiencing wave after wave of pleasure.
After what seemed like hours, we brought each other to a shuddering сliмаx and I held her in my arms.
She brought her lips close to my ear, to whisper words of love…
And that’s when my wife walked in.

0

0

The appendix is a part of the human body that isn’t used anymore, but used to have a function many years ago.
Much like my соск since I got married.

0

0

The husband was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He went out to ask his wife what was for supper. She was quite irritated about him sitting in the air
Conditioned house all day, so she shot back at him, "Think of me as dead from now on and do what you would do if I was."
So he went back in the house and fixed him a big steak, potato and a big glass of tea. She walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, "So you fixed something to eat? Where is mine?"
He replied, "I didn't fix you anything as I thought you were dead."

0

0

One woman broke up with me and told me I was insecure. I thought, 'Great, this is gonna help. I feel a lot better about myself now.'

0

0

No more Game of Thrones for my husband. Every time I eat a donut he follows me around the house saying “Shame. Shame. Shame.”

0

0

A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells, “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!”
The boy sighed in relief, “Oh good, I'm relieved that it wasn’t new.”

0

0

I don’t really mind sleeping on the couch. It’s like living my childhood fantasies about the Wild West – including the angry mama bear nearby.

0

0

Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?

0

0

When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the switch.

0

0

My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a “two for one special.”

0

0

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

0

0

Looks like the gene pool in your family is about three inches deep

0

0

Hey can’t wait to meet you! So join the crippiling depression family!!

0

0

A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.

0

0

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist,
“May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?”
She is shocked.
“Why would you want something like that?”
The man calmly tells her,
“I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover.”
The pharmacist is now horrified.
She said,
“I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and мurdеr!”
At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sеx with the pharmacist’s husband. She examines it then looks up at him.
“Oh. I didn’t know you had a prescription.”

0

0

Terrorism strikes no fear in my heart. I’ve been married for years.

0

0

Women can be wonderfully satisfied with only 3.5 inches. No matter if it’s a Mastercard or a Visa.

0

0