Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

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Why don’t women propose?
Because when they kneel down, men get all the wrong ideas.

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Women have ovaries. Interestingly, they are the reason why they sometimes оvаry act.

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Two women chat:
Does your fiancé have a stutter?
Yes, but no worries. Once we’re married, I’ll be the one doing the talking.

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"If I’d known you were this poor, I’d never have married you."
"Don’t pretend I didn’t warn you! How many times did I tell you that you’re everything I have?"

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A guy loses his job, all his money has gone, all hope is lost and he’s walking miserably towards the dole line, wondering if there’s anybody who could help him. Suddenly there’s thunder and lightning and a scary, blood-covered demon appears in front of him.
He walks over to the man and in a rasping voice whispers in his ear, “I have heard your pleas. I’m ready to give you a million bucks. But you have to agree to give me your wife.”
“OK,” says the guy, “now where’s the catch?”

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My new wife left me because of my huge insecurity problems.
Oh no, hang on, she’s back. She just went to the bathroom!

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“I cuddle with my husband about two or three times a week.”
“Yeah? Me just once.”
“Oh, but wait, I thought you were single.”
“Ah I see. I thought we were talking about your husband.”

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She:
"Honey, I don't like you with the new glasses on."
He:
"But sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses."
She:
"True, but I do."

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Husband:
“Soon we will be married for 10 years. I will get you a nice new car for our anniversary.”
Wife:
“Oh darling. Nothing would please me more!”
And so the husband got her nothing for the anniversary.

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My wife said she’d leave me unless I stop playing constantly with the walkie-talkie, over.

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And here’s another lesson in good manners: Throwing the bouquet behind you to see who’s next?
Really poor taste at funerals.

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The son asks his dad, “Dad, what can I do if I want To live forever?”
Dad replies,
“All you have to do is marry.”
The son is surprised,
“And that will really make me live forever?”
Daddy replies wearily,
“No, but the wish dies.”

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