One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "вiтсh" and the women called the man a "ваsтаrd".
Their son walked in and said, "What does вiтсh and ваsтаrd mean?" and the parents replied, "Ladies and gentlemen".
The next day the parents decided to have sеx, the women said, "Feel my тiттiеs" and the man said, "Feel my d*ck".
Their son walked in and asked, "What does тiттiеs and d*ck mean?" and the parents replied, "Hats and coats".
On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself. "Shiт," he said. The kid came in and asked, "What's that mean?" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.
Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "F*ck" she said. Once again the kid asked, "What's that mean?" The mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.
Then the door веll rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said, "Alright you вiтсhеs and ваsтаrds, put your d*cks and тiттiеs in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shiт off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen f**king the turkey!"
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."