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Men-Women jokes

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A brunette is walking through the country when she finds a bottle. She rubs it, and a genie appears. The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."
The woman says, "OK. Give me a nice house."
The genie replies, "You now have one nice house, and all the blondes in the world have two."
The woman says, "Give me a gorgeous man."
The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man while all the blondes have two."
The brunette says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."
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Did you hear that nursing homes are starting to give Viаgrа to the old men living there?
It's to keep them from rolling out of bed.
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Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.
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Blonde Half-Wit Блонкинка с половин мозък Was ist eine Blondine mit halbem Gehirn? Qu'est- ce qu'une blonde avec deux neurones ? - Une surdouée Hvad kalder man en blondine med en halv hjerne? – Heldig! Como se llama una rubia con medio cerebro ? Superdotada..... Miksi kutsutaan blondia Que dit-on d'une blonde avec la moitié d'un cerveau ? - Qu'elle est douée ! Como chama a loira que tem meio cérebro? — Ssper dotada
What do you call a blond with half a brain?
Gifted
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What does a man call true love?
An еrестiоn.
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A man was digging a ditch, when he uncovered a lamp.
When he brushed it off, a genie popped out, and said "To show my gratitude for releasing me, I'll grant you one wish.."
The man thought for a second, reached into his pocket, pulled out a map of the world, pointed to the Middle-East, and replied "I want you to bring peace to this area."
"Ooooh...I'm so sorry, that's impossible" said the genie. "There's absolutely no way I could accomplish such a great feat, so you'll have to choose another wish..."
The man then said "Well...then how about having my wife give me оrаl-sеx voluntarily...?"
The genie thought for a minute, then said "Can I see that map again..?"
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Three women are out clubbing and they spot a club that says, "Women Only."
Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The first floor has a sign on the door that reads, "All men here are short and plain."
The women laugh and continue up to the second floor.
The sign reads, "All men here are tall and plain."
Still this isn't good enough, and the women proceed to the third floor.
"All men here are short and handsome."
The women still want more and go to the fourth floor, where the sign reads, "All men here are tall and handsome."
This is perfect and the women are preparing to go in, when they realise that there is still one more floor.
They go up one floor and read the sign.
"There are no men here. This floor is built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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Q: Why do hоrny women order at Subway?
A: Footlongs.
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Какво означава противоречиви чувства? Пример за смесени чувства: Какво означава "смесени чувства"? Реклама на застрахователна компания: Was sind gemischte Gefühle? Wenn deine Schwiegermutter in deinem neuen Mercedes rückwärts auf eine Klippe zufährt. Qu'est-ce qu'un sentiment partagé ? Ta belle-mère qui percute un poids-lourds au volant de ta nouvelle voiture. Wat is het toppunt van gemengde gevoelens?? Je schoonmoeder in je gloednieuwe BMW een ravijn in zien rijden. Mężczyzna mówi do żony: - Teściowa jechała moim samochodem i wpadła w przepaść. - No i? - odpowiada żona. - No i mam mieszane uczucia. Hvad er blandede følelser? Det er når svigermor kører ud over en dyb afgrund uden chance for at overleve - I DIN NYE BIL!!! Kiedy są mieszane uczucia? - Gdy teściowa spada w przepaść Twoim samochodem. Sentimente amestecate: Sa-ti cada soacra in prapastie cu masina Ta... - Mi az abszolút vegyes érzelem? - Ha látjuk Blandade känslor uppstår när svärmor kör ut från en djup avgrund utan en chans för att överleva – I DIN NYA BIL!!!
Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
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A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her аss as she walks by.
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If you catch a man…throw him back.
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A man bought a new car.
Next day he is driving his car to office.
On the way he was waiting for the Signal.
Suddenly he opened the door and got down.
Then he went to the Traffic Police and asked him, "How much should I pay to turn right?"
The Policeman was astonished and asked, "Why are you asking like this?"
Then man showed him the sign board which was in the corner of the road:
"Free Left Turn"
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On a crowded bus, an old lady noticed that a man had his eyes closed.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?" she asked.
"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."
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Q: Why do women have arms?
A: Have you any idea how long it would take to liск a bathroom clean?
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Q: Why do some women look at blank paper?
A: They like to read their rights.
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A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant.
"The ball type?" asked the clerk.
"No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."
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Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven? A: She didn't know what one came first. Miksi blondi ei osaa kirjoittaa lukua “yksitoista”? Hän ei tiedä Varför kunde inte blondinen skriva siffran elva? Hon visste inte vilken etta som kom först Въпрос към радио "Ереван": - Защо блондинка не може да набере 911? Отговор на радиото: - Ами защото не може да набере 11... Soru: Bir sarışın acil bir durumda neden 112’yi arayamaz? Cevap: Çünkü telefonda 11 tuşunu bulamayacağı için. Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: Because she couldn't find the 11 ¿Por qué los gallegos no pueden marcar el 911?.
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.
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A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
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