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Men-Women jokes

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Q: What did the d**k say to the ваlls?
A: "You guys hang around here while I go inside."
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Lyin' Lawyer Laffs По какво можете да познаете дали един адвокат лъже? ¿Cómo se sabe cuándo un abogado está mintiendo?. Woran erkennt man Comment savoir si un assureur vous ment ? Ses lèvres bougent. Woran erkennt man das Donald Trump lügt? Er bewegt die Lippen How can you know a lawyer is lying? When he moves his lips. Comment fait-on pour savoir quand un homme dit des niaiseries? -Les lèvres bougent Woran erkennt man Hur vet en döv människa om en advokat ljuger? - Hans läppar rör sig! Como voce sabe que um advogado esta' mentindo ? R: Seus labios estao se mexendo. Mistä voit päätellä Da che cosa si capisce che un avvocato sta mentendo? Dal fatto che le sue labbra si muovono! Cum îţi dai seama că un avocat minte? Îşi mişcă buzele. Kaip jūs galite pasakyti Po czym się poznaje Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? Answer: His lips begin to move. Πώς καταλαβαίνεις ότι ένας δικηγόρος λέει ψέματα; Κουνιούνται τα χείλη του.
How can you tell if a man is lying?
His lips are moving.
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Co dla mężczyzny oznacza pomoc przy sprzątaniu? - Podniesienie nogi Qual é o conceito do homem de ajudar com a limpeza em casa ? Levantar as pernas para o aspirador de pó passar. – Vad är mannens syn på att hjälpa till i hemmet? – Att lyfta på benen när frun dammsuger. - Quelle idée se fait l'homme de donner un coup de main à la maison ? Soulever ses jambes pour qu'on passe l'aspirateur par dessous.
What is a man's idea of housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
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Dave's wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local sтriр club for his birthday.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How are ya?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
They sit and a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know what you drink."
"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi, Davey," she says, "Want your usual lap dance?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. His wife starts screaming at him.
The cabbie turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!"
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I've got a new anorexic girlfriend.
Its not going too well though.
I'm just seeing less and less of her ...
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I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
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Men are like.....Bank Machines.
Once they withdraw they lose interest.
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How can you tell she's a macho women?
She rolls her own tampons.
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Question: How is a woman like a laxative?
Answer: They both irritate the shiт out of you.
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A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said
A blonde has sharp pains in her side, so she goes to the hospital. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
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Q: Why did the man put condoms on his ears during sеx?
A: He didn't want to get hearing aids.
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A blonde takes her typewriter to the doctor. "Doc, I'm afraid my typewriter is pregnant."
The doctor asks, "Why in the world would you think that?"
She says, "Because it's started missing its period."
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Onlangs is een dom blondje gestorven toen ze melk aan het drinken was... Het tragische ongeval gebeurde toen de koe ging zitten. Comment une blonde est morte en buvant du lait? La vache lui est tombée dessus! In Berlin sind neulich vier Polizisten beim Milchtrinken ums Leben gekommen! Blondine beim Milch trinken gestorben Vet du varför dansken dog när han skulle dricka mjölk? – För att kon satte sig på honom! Un Belge est mort en buvant du lait! - Ah bon! le lait était empoisonné? - Non Com’e’ che spesso muoiono le bionde mentre bevono latte? Cade loro addosso la mucca! Heb je het laatste nieuws al gehoord? Er is een Belg gestorven tijdens het drinken van melk! De koe ging zitten...
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who died while drinking milk?
A: The соw fell on her.
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Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: Because he wasn't a chicken.
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Why don't men like to drink coffee at work?
It keeps them awake.
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2 cannibals having dinner.
1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew."
2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."
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Q: Why do women wear black underwear?
A: They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.
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The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants - one of which would get the job.
The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York.
A nice young man, but a bit timid.
Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!"
Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself.
"He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him.
He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. 
Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education."
Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" 
"Oh," replied Jim " at Yale."
"That's very good, excellent. You're hired! Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"
Jim answered "I don't care. Yimi or Mr. Yonson."
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