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Men-Women jokes

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Lady goes to her doc.
"Doc, I have quite the problem. I can't control my gas. All day long I'm farting and farting. The only good news is they are the 'silent but deadly' type.
The Doc pauses for a moment and replies, "first let's get you fitted for a hearing aid."
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I'm busy.
You're ugly.
Have a nice day.
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Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
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Wouldn’t it be great if men were made by Kodak!
They would automatically shut off when they weren’t being used.
You wouldn’t have to wait for them to recharge after each shot.
They last longer and come with a warranty.
You can try them out first for a two-week trial period and return them if not satisfied with no risks or hassle.
They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it.
They come in fashion colors.
You can keep them in maximum zoom.
They come with replaceable or adjustable parts.
The parts that count are portable.
They don’t mind over-exposure.
They respond to the slightest touch.
The one you want is available at a KMART near you.
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Companies are working on a camera which has such a fast shutter speed that it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut. Advance Booking open!
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Men are like..... Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
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How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.
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Морков Моркови Πατάτες και γύφτισες Айше и Фатме събирали цвекло. Две циганки отишли на полето за моркови и едната изкарала един доста голям морков и казала на другата: Бригада циганки вадят на полето моркови. Една от тях показва на колежката си току-що изваден морков: Циганки вадят моркови на полето. Една от тях показва на друга какъв морков е извадила: C'est deux vieilles paysannes qui ramassent des patates 2 paysannes ramassent des patates. La première en saisit deux grosses pleines de terre et dit à l'autre : - Vindiou ! Elles sont comme les couilles de mon mari ! - Aussi grosses ?! - Non Huguette et Raymonde sont dans les champs en train de ramasser des patates. Raymonde en ramasse deux Två kärringar gick omkring på grönsaksavdelningen när den ena plockade upp en jättegurka och sa: - Den här ser precis ut som bosses pick! Hennes väninna blev mycket imponerad Twee vrouwen staan in de tuin winterpenen uit de grond te trekken. Zegt de ene : 'Ze lijken wel op die van Gerrit'. Zegt die andere : 'Is die zo groot dan?'. Zegt de ene weer : 'Nee Deux vieilles copines sont à ramasser les patates a la campagne. Une d'elle
Two women are digging in the garden. One pulls out a foot-long carrot and says, "This one reminds me of my husband."
The second woman replies, "Your husband's is that long?"
Her friend answers, "No - that dirтy."
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Q: What's 72?
A: 69 with three people watching.
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Quelle est la différence entre une femme et une petite amie ? - 20 kg Quelle est la différence entre un mari et un petit ami ? - 20 minutes Vad är skillnaden mellan en fru och en flickvän? Svar: 25 kilo ungefär. What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 40 lb. Mitä eroa on vaimolla ja rakastajattarella? Yleensä kaksikymmentä vuotta ja yhtä monta kiloa. Wat is het verschil tussen je echtgenote en je minnares? Ongeveer 20 kg. - Яка різниця між дружиною і коханкою? - Кілограмів двадцять ... - А яка різниця між чоловіком і коханцем? - Хвилин 30 ... Llega un niño con su papá y le pregunta: ¿Papá Quelle est la différence entre un dollar et un rouble ? - Каква е разликата между жената и любовницата? Ποια είναι η διαφορά μεταξύ μιας ερωμένης και μιας συζύγου; Care-i diferenta intre sotie si amanta? =de vreo 25kg= - Dar intre sot si amant? =de 45 minute= Hva er forskjellen på kona og elskerrinnen? - 50 Kg. - Jaka jest różnica między żoną a kochankiem? - 30 kg. A między mężem a kochankiem? - 30 minut. Qual a diferença entre a esposa e a namorada? R:trinta quilos Hvad er forskellen på konen og elskerinden? Det er 30 kg.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
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Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision?
A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole schmuck.
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Q: Why are so many blondes rushing out to get вrеаsт implants?
A: They don't want to pay the flat tax.
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Q: How do сrавs leave the hospital?
A: On crutches.
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Q: Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
A: She was trying to make up her mind.
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Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: They can't get their heads in the jars.
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Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots.
They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They sсrеw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.
"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.
"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
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Pourquoi les femmes se grattent-elles la tête au réveil ? Parcequ'elles n'ont pas de couilles. -Dlaczego kobieta przeciąga się rano jak wstanie? - Bo się nie może po jajach podrapać. Hvorfor gnider kvinder sig i øjnene Perche’ le donne si stropicciano gli occhi quando si svegliano al mattino ? Perche’ non hanno palle da grattarsi.
Q: Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
A: They don't have any ваlls to scratch.
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Секс и бриџ Попитали радио Ереван: Quelle est la différence entre le bridge et le sexe? - Какво е общото между секса и бриджа? Sex is like skat. L'amour c'est comme les cartes: quand tu n'as pas de partenaire Having sex is like playing bridge... If you don't have a good partner La differenza tra il bridge e il sesso: - Nessuna. In entrambi se non si ha un buon partner basta avere una buona mano. "Le sexe c'est comme la belote : si tu n'as pas un bon partenaire Why is sex like a game of bridge? You don’t need a partner if you’ve got a good hand. Разговараат двајца пријатели: - Сексот е исто како бриџ. - ??? - Ако немаш добар партнер
Q: How is sеx like bridge?
A:If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand!
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