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A blonde was walking down the street with shower caps on her вrеаsтs.
A guy asked her, "Hey, what's with the shower caps?"
"Shower caps?" she replied. "These are воовy condoms!"

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Why do they call it РМS?
Because Mad Соw Disease was already taken.

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How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

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A girl visited her boyfriend, which was still living with his mother, at his house.
His mother had Puritan principals.
The mother, as long as the girl was there, didn’t even try to hide her dislike feelings for his son’s choice.
"Mom, can I еsсоrт Helen?"
The girl, waiting to hear a cold hearted "no", she surprised hears:
"Sure... You can! Еsсоrт her... to the corner with your eyes!"

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I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say.
So I said yes.
I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.

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I always look for a woman who has a tattoo.
I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future.

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Chinese and American are in a plane.
Suddenly, Chinese puts his shoes off and American is angry.
After some time, he goes to buy a coke, but Chinese says that he'll do it.
While he's gone, American spits into his shoes.
Chinese gets back and American drinks his coke.
That repeats a couple of times,and after the flight American admits, "I spitted in your shoes, sorry."
Chinese answers, "That's how we do it. We spit in each others shoes, we рiss into each others cokes..."

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Jennifer, wanna go to my place?
I am not Jennifer
But I didn't ask about that...

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A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord’s Prayer.
For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother.
One night she said she was ready to solo.
The mother listened with pride, as she carefully said each word right up to the end…
"And lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."

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One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food, she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can’t buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food.
The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can’t have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food.
Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did.
She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you’re satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!

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This french guy he wants to learn English.
So one day he goes to an airport to learn "take off".
Then he goes to the zoo to learn "zebra".
Then he goes to the hospital "baby"
So one day he walks up too a hot girl on a beach in a bikini and he said "Take off zebra baby" (take off the вrа baby).

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Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

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Q: How did the blonde die raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

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Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: They're easier to keep amused.

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It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in.
And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"
And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"

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An old couple prepares to go to sleep. The man gets in bed, but the woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, "Why are you on the floor?"
The old woman replies, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."

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Q: What do you get when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
A: Doughnuts.

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Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: I don't know, and neither does she.

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