Men-Women jokes

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How many men would it take to mop a floor?
No one knows; they've never done it.

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Q: What do you call that useless piece of skin around a vаginа?
A: A woman.

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Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run by women.
Sure, maybe there wouldn't be violence and territorial conquests fueled by male testosterone.
But instead, we'd have a bunch of jealous countries that aren't talking to each other.

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Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken.
So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.

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What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

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Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

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Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

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Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.

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There are 5 birds in a tree.
A hunter shoots 2 of them dead.
How many birds are left?
2 birds.
The other 3 fly away!

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Sтuрid?
He wanted to be a farmer.
So he studied pharmacy.

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One day God came to Adam to pass on some news.
"I've got some good news and some bad news," God said.
Adam looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first."
Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other оrgаn I have for you is called a реnis. It will allow you to reproduce your life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this оrgаn to give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."
Then, God came to Eve to pass on some news too. "I've got some good news and some bad news," God said.
Eve looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first."
Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Adam. The other оrgаn I have for you is called a vаginа. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Adam will be very happy that you now have this оrgаn to give him children."
Eve, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
God looked upon Eve and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time. While you're bleeding through one of them every 28 days, the other will remain useless."

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A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle.
The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so."
That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."

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They put one man on the moon.
Why can’t they put them all there?

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Q: What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
A: A Frosted Flake.

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A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables.
The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?"
"Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?"
"Because you're really ugly," replied the man.

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Why do so many women fake оrgаsм?
Because so many men fake foreplay.

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How many Feminists does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
1) None. Feminists can't change anything.
2) Two. One to sсrеw in the light bulb and one to berate any men who offer to help.

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Why are women like parking spaces?
Because all the best ones are taken... and the rest are handicapped.

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