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Men-Women jokes

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What do you call a women who does as much work as a man?
A lazy b*tch.
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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver...
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A hubby is having a short conversation with his wife.
See dear, if you got home early from work one day and you found me pounding on another woman, this would be called an awkward situation!
So its the same honey, if you came home early from work and found me in bed with another man?
No darling, you are now confused and mixing the awkward situation with proper beating!
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Ones the bus was full of people.
A man looks at a lovely girl, she looks at him, he smiled, she did so, he told her get off at the next station, she did, he took her place.
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How many divorced Women does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
4,1 to sсrеw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
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Q: Why did God create women?
A: He took one look at men and said, "I know I can do better than this."
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Q: Why does the blonde have the biggest тiтs in the third grade?
A: Because she's 21.
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Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time.
Julie: "I should warn you, Ted: I've got acute angina."
Ted: "Your вrеаsтs aren't bad either."
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Q: Why can't a blonde count to 70?
A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
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Varför tycker män det är svårt att ta ögonkontakt? - Bröst har inte ögon.
Q: Why do men find it hard to make eye contact with women?
A: Вrеаsтs don't have eyes.
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Χήρα Οι χήρες H XHRA Aντρες Wie nennt man eine Frau Как се нарича жена Wie nennt man eine Frau Hoe noemt men een vrouw die exact weet waar haar man elke avond is? - Een weduwe. Hvad kaldes en kvinde Como se chama a mulher que sabe onde o marido está todas as noites ? R: Viúva. Vad kallar du en kvinna som vet var hon har sin man varenda natt. - Änka. ¿ Cómo se llama la mujer que siempre sabe dónde está su marido? Viuda. P: Qual a mulher
What do you call a women who knows where her husband is each night?
A widow.
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Добивка Кафанската пејачка и автоматот за кафе The soda machine Ρέντα... Αυτόματο καφέ Борец се застоява пред кафе-машина. στο μηχάνημα του καφέ Ein Österreicher kommt zu einem Coca Cola Automaten und wirft eine Münze ein. Die Maschine spuckt ein Coca Cola aus. Un atlante se encuentra en un casino de Las Vegas frente a una máquina de sodas. El Atlante introduce unas monedas Steht ein Mann vor einem Brötchenautomat und zieht sich die ganze Zeit Brötchen. Da kommt ein anderer vorbei und sagt: "Hör auf damit C'est un Belge qui marche dans la rue. Il passe devant un distributeur de boissons et s'arrête Sune står vid en smörgåsautomat och stoppar i krona efter krona. Kön växer bakom honom och när han plockar upp ut sin elfte smörgås säger en uppretad herre: - Hörru du är det inte dags att sluta... A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course... Stoi blondynka przed automatem do coca coli O português chegou na máquina de refrigerantes A blonde goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and gets a soda. She does this again and again. A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long. She says Era una rubia que llega al casino por primera vez y lo primero que ve es una máquina de coca-cola donde un señor pone una moneda de un euro Un Belge met des pièces dans un distributeur de boissons. Pour avoir des bouteilles de Coca-Cola. Une queue s'est formé derrière lui et on lui demande s'il a bientôt terminé. Il répond: - Tant que... Przed automatem z wodą sodową stoi blondynka. Wrzuca monetę
A blonde was at a gumball machine. She kept putting quarters in and getting gumballs out. The man behind her asked if he could get a gumball.
She said, "Shut up! I'm winning."
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Q: How does a blonde order a root вееr?
A: Extra large, hold the roots.
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What did the lеsвiаn frog say to the other lеsвiаn frog?
"What d'ya know, we do taste like chicken."
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For all those men who say, “Why buy the соw when you can get the milk for free”.
Here’s an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why?
Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire
Pig, just to get a little sausage…
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A man walks into a bar and says "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired."
Everyone laughed.
The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone.
He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.
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There is the chief of Indians, and he is going down a field with his tribe, and they come across a pile of sh*t. So the chief asks his tribe men :
"Does this look like sh*t to you?"
"Yes is does", they replied.
"Smell it. Does it smell like sh*t to you", asks the Chief.
"Mmmmm.. Yes"
"Feel it. Does it feel like sh*t to you?", says the Chief.
"Mmmmm.. Yes"
"Liск it. Does it taste like sh*t to you?", inquires the Chief.
"Ammmm... Yes"
"Good. Don't step on it!"
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Why does the sтuрid man put ice in his соndом?
To keep the swelling down.
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