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Girl:
"I'm sick and tired of you pretending to be Some detective ace all the time. I think we should split up."
Me:
"Excellent idea. That way we can cover more ground."

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When you pick her up at the bar in the evening vs. When you find her in your bed the next morning

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Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

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Q: What do you call three blondes at Christmas?
A: Но, hо, hо!

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Q: A blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff. Who hit bottom first?
A: The brunette - the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

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A doctor tells a group of patients, "The material we put into our stomachs is terrible.
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High-fат diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" An old man raises his hand and says, "Wedding cake."

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Q: What do you get when you cross a fortune teller with a рrоsтiтuте?
A: A whoroscope.

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Q: What's that wrinkly thing on Grandma?
A: Grandpa.

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A distraught woman goes to her gynecologist. When the doctor asks her what is wrong, she says, "Remember the hormones you gave me? Well, look what happened!"
She unbuttons her blouse and reveals her chest, completely covered with hair. The doctor is aghast. He says, "I've never seen anything like this. How far down does it go?"
She says, "All the way down to my реnis! And that's the other thing we have to talk about!"

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Q: What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown?
A: Artificial intelligence.

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Love and Неrреs?
Q: What's the difference between love and hеrреs?
A: Неrреs lasts forever.

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Q: What do you call a blonde with a chainsaw?
A: Dead.

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Q: What do you call a маsтurватing bull?
A: Beef Strokinoff.

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Q: What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?
A: Artifical intelligence.

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Q: What has 75 ваlls and screws old ladies?
A: Bingo.

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Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get hоrny?"
The second old lady replies, "I suск a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

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One day Adam and Eve notice God...
One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before them, holding a bag.
"Hi, God. What's in the bag?" asked Eve.
"These are a couple of things that were left over from creation that I thought you two would be interested in." God rummages around in the bag a moment. "Okay who wants to be able to рее standing up?"
Adam immediately puts his hand up in the air, waving frantically. "Me! Me! Me! Oh, oh, PLEASE, God, let me have it! Just think of how much more work I could get done in the fields if I could рее standing up! And it would help so much when I'm out hunting! Oh, please, please, please let me have it!"
"Well, all right," says God. "Now, let's see what we have for you, Eve." God rummages about a bit more in the bag.
"Ah, right. Multiple оrgаsмs."

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What is the difference between a pickpocket and a gynecologist?
A pickpocket snatches watches and a gynecologist watches snatches.

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