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Q: What do a lawyer and a sреrм have in common?
A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.

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A dyslexic walks into a вrа...

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Q: Why did the d**k go to 7-11?
A: To get a Slurpee.

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A man wants to join the Big Diск Club, and heads down to the club to apply.
The receptionist looks at him skeptically and asks him how large his diск is. "18 inches," he replies, proudly. To his surprise, the receptionist begins laughing uncontrollably, and the man leaves in shame. On the way out, he runs into the janitor, who asks him what's wrong. After he explains, he says to the man not to worry.
"See that lump in my sock?" The man nods. "And I'm just the janitor."

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Two blondes walk into a tanning salon. The receptionist asks, "Are you two sisters?"
They chuckled and reply, " No, we aren't even Catholic."

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Q: Why did the blonde run with the bike?
A: It was going too fast for her to get on.

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Q: Why was the blonde's bellybutton bruised?
A: Her husband was a blonde, too.

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Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

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Q: What is every blonde's ambition?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

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An alien walked into a shop and told the owner that he came from Mars and wanted to buy a brain for research.
''How much is this one?'' he asked. ''That one is a monkey brain, and it's $20,'' the owner explained.
''How much is that one?'' the alien asked. "That one is a female brain, and it's $100,'' the owner replied.
''And how much is that one?'' the alien asked. ''That one is a male's brain and it is $500'' the owner explained.
''Why so expensive?'' the alien asked. The owner answered,''Well, it's hardly been used!''

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Q: What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
A: The translator.

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Q: What do American вееr and having sеx in a canoe have in common?
A: They're both f**king close to water.

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Q: How do you catch a вrа?
A: Set up a boobie trap.

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A woman was in bed having sеx with her husband's friend when the telephone rang.
After hanging up, she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry - he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you.''

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Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

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Q: How are blondes and computers similar?
A: You never appreciate them until they go down on you.

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A man walks into a whоrеhоusе looking for a little action and he goes up to the house owner and asks,Hey, can I get a piece from one of your fine ladies you've got here?
Sorry sir, the owner responds, but, we're all full. Aw, please I really need some рооn tang! And the owner awnswers, Well, there is one girl left but when you go meet her you have to wear this black соndом. Whatever, the man answers quickly and races upstairs. A few hours later the man comes down and says ''Wow, that was great. She didn't even make any noise. But why did I have to wear the black соndом? And the owner answers, Respect for the dead.

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Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery.
"Oh, no," said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town. "Was it with Marie Brown?"
"I'd rather not say who it was."
"Was it with Betty Smith?"
"I'd rather not say," says Joe. So the priest gives him absolution and Joe leaves. While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he received absolution.
"Yes, and two very good leads!"

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